The Life of a Pharmgirl...

2008-01-29T12:48:00.000-08:00

Goodbye, Cruel World.....

...of pharmaceuticals! Yes, that's right. I quit. Done. Finished. Over. Without giving any notice, I might add!

Let's try to make a long, painful story short, shall we? My boss was crazy. I know we like to use that term loosely a lot, don't we? No really. C-R-AAAA-Z-Y. In a nutshell: passive-aggressive, manipulative, undermining, sneaky, low self-esteem, weird power-trippy, could NOT be wrong...ever. That covers the highlights anyway.

Without going into excrutiating detail, I'll say that it was ALL MY FAULT, because I was honest with her about starting a business...because SHE has a business. BIG MISTAKE! She obviously had a personal problem with me (oh, wait! And all the OTHER women working under her too! Hmmmm, weird.) and spent an inordinate amount of time and effort 'checking up' on me to try to find me doing something wrong. Even when my nose WAS clean, she would try to make up accusations that were absurd. No matter how hard I tried to 'brush it off" and not take it personally, I found it virtually impossible. Maybe because it WAS personal. The stress started mounting and after we opened our new business, I just could not take the harassment anymore. The situation would NEVER get better and I had to bail.

It's a bit scary since I have worked full time for the last 20 years of my life, but it does feel pretty good so far & my wonderful husband has been reluctantly supportive. He's just freaked out with the whole 'one income' thing. This will give me a chance to devote much-needed time to my new business. I will be looking for something to supplement our income a couple days a week, and am thinking about substitute teaching. The rest of the time, I will throw myself into my business and prepare for our boss-free future! I doubt anyone reads this rag anymore since I never update, but I may be ending it until I figure out my new schedule and have a flow to my life that allows time for work and for fun. If I do have time to keep up, I will most certainly start a new blog.

In the meantime, I would LOVE to hear about some more easy suggestions to make money a couple days a week.

Wish me luck!

2007-10-29T19:47:00.000-07:00

Community Service

We hired one of our younger babysitters Saturday night to watch the boy. My daughter and I had tickets to see a show and my husband went to a friend's wedding. (I had already bought the show tickets when we got the wedding invite.) Our sitter is only 15, so she had arranged for a friend of hers to come to pick her up.

She had called my husband to ask if it was okay to let her friend wait inside until one of us got home. He said "sure". I was the first one home. There was a truck parked in the front when I arrived. Our sitter was out chatting with the occupants. She follows me in and said "We need to talk." Um...somehow coming from your 15 year old sitter, that just DOES NOT sound good. She proceeds to tell me the following story:

When her friend arrived, she brought 2 boys with her. They came inside, and when my sitter went upstairs to check on the baby, the kids said "Can we look around?" to which she replied "Yeah, sure". She got back downstairs just in time to see that they had emptied two 16 oz. soda bottles and filled them with liquor from our basement bar. When she protested, they were all like "whatever" and left her there. Hey! Thanks friends! For the screw-job AND the ride home! She was CLEARLY mortified by what had transpired, and was very upset. The truck out front was another set of friends she called to come to her rescue. I told her that I very much appreciated her honesty, and that we were not mad at her. I let her know that my husband would give her a call to get info. on the kids that had stolen from us. On second thought...go ahead and give me those names and numbers now. Let's not sleep on that. Oh, and further more, when strangers (to me) ask if they can 'look around' my house...yeah, not so much. I know you're thinking "that's what you get for getting such a young sitter", but I will say this girl is mature beyond her years in so many other ways. She's no dummy.

So long story....long, my husband got in touch with all three kid's parents. One boy beat him to the punch by calling HIM first and coming clean with the whole story. The other two parents got a news flash. My husband empathized with the parents about being a "dumb teenager" and let them know he would be expecting restitution as the victim of their children's theft. In a couple weeks when the trees are dumping more leaves, all three of our little sticky-fingered 'guests' will be spending a whole Saturday raking our rather large, tree-filled back yard. There may or may not be a field trip to the local county jail for a close-up and personal view of what lying and stealing does for you.

All of the parents were totally on board with my husband's plan. A couple of them felt it wasn't "enough". He told them that that was just how they were to repay HIM, and the parents should implement whatever additional punishments they saw fit.

The upshot? 24 ounces of cheap liquor bought me the cheapest lawn service EVER.. Anyone else NOT miss being 16?

2007-10-13T14:48:00.000-07:00

I Wanna Be the Dragon

Soooo, we had a RECORD BREAKING meltdown this week. Terrible twos are in the hizzouse. We all went to Old Navy to grab a costume for my son. He seemed down with the concept initially, but once we were at the costume display, refused to so much as cast his gaze upon the selections. "Hey, LOOK! How about the skunk? Look at the cute monkey! Here's a cool dragon! Ohhh! The chicken is cute!" Orrrrr, we can run around the display yelling "Nooooo!". After about 7 or 8 minutes of attempted wrangling, my husband and I both said "OK! We. Are. Done." As we were walking out of the store to the car, my son started screeching "COSTUME!" at the top of his lungs. I don't know HOW many times we said "Which one do you want, dear?" only to be answered with "COSTUME!" Finally we said "screw it" and loaded him into the car. Ohhh, my. The ear piercing, snotting, kicking and shrieking that ensued. It was SO loud that I stuffed Kleenex into my ears. It kept up the entire 13 1/2 minute ride home. I now know EXACTLY how long it takes to get from my house to Old Navy. Every long, painful second. My daughter had tears in her eyes when we arrived home. Assuming she was just upset by the scene, I said that he was having a baby fit and he'd calm down soon. She said "I know, it's just that my ears hurt."

Once we got home my husband whisked him upstairs for a bit of discipline including, but not limited to, some time sitting in the corner. After several minutes I went upstairs to check in and say goodnight. He was finally calm and asked me to read him a bedtime story. After the story, I looked at his (now) sweet face and said "Dear, what do you wanna be for Halloween." He clearly and calmly informed me "I wanna be the dragon."

2007-10-09T19:14:00.000-07:00

Eureka! I'm back!

Sorry. I know I'm generally unreliable about posting, but it took FOREVER for Google Help to get me back into my blogger account. But, LOOK! I'm IN!

So back to business: My new yoga studio plans are coming along nicely. We bumped our opening date back to January, as we were getting dangerously close to opening around the holidays. We needed more time to collect bids from contractors to bid our build-out. Hey, did you know that many contractors are shysters? You did? Well, sometimes it takes me awhile. We should get our last 2 bids this week and be able to make a decision. Fortunately, we have the coolest landlord on the planet, so he is good with the delay. My partner and I are VERY anxious to get moving with this. We've been doing loads of grass-roots marketing and we have a large "free class" coupon promotion planned for the area's trick-or-treaters. I joined the Chamber and have plans to make nice ASAP. That is, when I can fit it in.

I have a conundrum. I am SO busy with my full time job (it takes loads of time running around collecting signatures...how professional!) that I am not sure how I am going to be able to juggle both jobs once we are open. I keep waiting for the crystal ball to show up. Y'know...the one that will tell me how long it will be until the business is profitable enough (for me, plus a partner) to be able to quit the corporate gig. My head is about to explode and we're still months away from even being open. I know it will all work out, but DAMN am I impatient! It's the cross I must bear.

The kids are great. Second grade has been...a challenge for my daughter. She can hack the work, no problem. It's the 'social' issues she is working on mastering. Namely, keeping her big yapper shut and paying attention. She has been called out by the teacher so many times for talking, I have lost count. She's been better in the last couple weeks.

And the boy. Oh...boy. Potting training is FUN! Pooping in the potty is NOT. Again...a work in progress. He is also the most strong willed child EVER. My daughter was a challenge, but when you throw the "boy" aspect into it, damn.

So that's it for now. My posts will be more exciting once our awesome project is physically under way. Til then!

2007-08-13T18:12:00.000-07:00

Reasons why I'm ANNOYED right now!

The VERY first thing is that for some reason Blogger and Google are plotting to keep me from posting! I just CANNOT log in to this shit! I finally got in, but I'm not sure how. Must discuss moving this blog somehow.

That was the first reason. Now the biggest reason I am annoyed is because some people are SO damn stupid. I go to pick up my son from daycare today and park next to a black truck with the windows cracked...and a dog inside. It is ONE HUNDRED degrees OUTSIDE today. The car was not running. I went in to grab my son and when I came out (5 minutes later?) the dog was still there. A couple of other parents said the dog had been there for "awhile". I took my son back in and told the director, who was standing by the front door, that she needed to page the owner of the black truck and tell them to return to their vehicle IMMEDIATELY. I mentioned there was a dog locked in a car and that it was absolutely TOO HOT for a dog to be in a car for even a minute. As I was having my hissy I see a mom with two small kids sheepishly edging toward the door. I just catch her eye and she mutters "I was only in here for two minutes". I said "Oh, no, that dog was here when I got here 5 minutes ago and that is UNACCEPTABLE". As we were both walking out I just kept talking. I said again that is was far too hot for a dog to be left in a car even for a moment. She decided to get pissed rather than eating crow. She raised her voice when she said "Well, the REASON it was in the car is because it had gotten out of the yard on my way here and I had to put it in the car!" WHAT? OH! Well, in THAT CASE I guess it's OK. I said "So what? Leave the car running then!" She was attempting to mutter weak protests, so I just left it at "Well, I hope your dog is OK". Fucking bitch. There is no scenario in the WORLD that would have explained her asinine actions.

Filed under my LONG list of "I shoulda said's" includes: "Would you leave your CHILD in a car in this heat for 'a couple of minutes?!" I didn't think so. Gar.

Reasons NOT to be annoyed right now....

My business partner and I signed a 3 year lease for our new business. We are opening a yoga studio for kids and families! If that seems random and niche, well, it's not! We have devised so many different marketing angles for this business that the possibilities are endless!

Two of the 'easiest' angles include Sports Conditioning Yoga for core strength in younger athletes, and classes for Special Needs kids. We'll have Mommy & Me yoga, Family yoga, Story Time yoga for toddlers, and yoga set to contemporary music for preteens and teens. We'll have educational seminars on topics such as meditation, nutrition and wellness. And of course there will be birthday parties! We have loads of things planned and we've been grass-roots marketing like crazy! We already have clients lined up and our web site is almost done. It's been loads of work, but we are very optimistic about the success of our business. With our combination of sales and marketing and fitness and yoga experience, we think we've concocted a recipe for success! I will TRY to log in to this account to post updates.

Oh....and leave your doggies at home, in the nice, cool A/C. THANK YOU!

2007-07-21T09:27:00.000-07:00

Guilty Pleasures

This just in! VH1's "Rock of Love" with Bret Michaels...is....AWESOME! It's everything you could ever want in a show you don't want to admit you watch! Rock Star! Puking! Catfights! Slutty strippers! Crazy bitches! Oh, I could go on. It comes on right after "Best Week Ever" which may very well be the best show ever! Well...maybe not the BEST, but pretty damn good. Since my life has become so busy, I have to admit I've had to scale way back on the TV watching...but I'll make time for my guilty pleasures.

My new business is moving along quite nicely! We hope to sign a three year lease next week. SCARY! But it's not like anyone ever succeeded in their own business by waiting for someone else make it happen. Soooo..it's me. Yeah. So far things are moving very smoothly and it's more clear than ever that my business partner and I are a great pair for this project.

My husband and I made an attempt to open a martini bar a little over a year ago. We did loads of research, met with every vendor known to man and even signed a lease...but never gave it back to the landlord. At the exact same time, our son got sick and was in the hospital for seven days. It was like the Universe bonking you on the head going "Hey, dummies! Wrong concept...wrong time in your lives!" So we listened. In retrospect, thank god! It wasn't by any means a waste of time, though. All of our hard work on that project was like a dress rehearsal for our new business. We gained so much insight into the inner-workings of the commercial business world with our original project, that we were well-armed when the real business idea rolled around. Funny how the Universe helps you out, huh?

After we get our lease signed I will give ya'll a break down of the new business. We hope to be open late Fall this year. If everything goes according to my Master Plan...within a year or two, I'll have to re-name my blog and kiss "pharm" goodbye forever!! Wish me luck!

2007-06-28T17:59:00.000-07:00

Worst Blogger EVER!

Yup, that's me. SOOOO busy. No, fer real. My old version of busy has now lost all meaning. I am bone-crushing-exhausted busy. Fully into the new rep job. This job has WAY more accountability than my last job, which on one hand is a good thing, but MAN it keeps me humpin'! The grass never really is COMPLETELY greener on the other side, is it? The good news is that I get to work with my favorite specialty again, and the products are very well received. So...yeah. The corporate office seems to have a bit of a Big Brother stench about it, but at least it keeps me a bit more honest than my last gig.

What adds to the challenge is that my friend and I are now business partners and we are opening a brand-spanking new business together this fall. I'll go into more detail later, but it is a kid-focused business and so far our market research leads us to believe we could be on to something very successful. Which....YEA! It's exciting, but such hard work.

It amazes me that so many people become entrepreneurs. I wonder how many folks start looking into the work that goes into doing this and run away screaming. From finding locations, dealing with really bad realtors, negotiating contracts, getting logos & signs made, market research, codes, licenses, zoning, merchandise, finding contractors, pre-promotions, public relations, web site writing, brochure writing, business planning and formatting, budgeting, the whole thing is a pretty amazing process.

My partner and I bring totally different skill sets to the project, which is a great thing. I am more in a sales and marketing role, and my partner has much more experience in the actual field that our business is a part of. Did that make one lick of sense?

This whole kit-n-kaboodle is part of my 5 year plan (which I secretly hope is a 2 or 3 year plan). I really want to leave corporate america in the dust and work for myself. I have learned that I am not lazy (as I formerly suspected) when I am truly motivated by the work that I am doing. This is the first time ever I have had a passionate interest in busting my tail. So, I THINK that means I am on my right path. Geeeez, I hope so! So far, my partner and I agree that the power of positive thinking (and actions) has been conspiring to aid our efforts and has been really paying off. Call it what you will, when you think in positive terms, you are rewarded with successful results.

I will promise to TRY to be better with the updates...the key word being "try". Think positive thoughts for me!

2007-05-17T06:19:00.000-07:00

Things I Dig

There's so much back-posting I can't even think about right now, I am just going to skip it and share the stuff I think is "so hot right now" instead.

1. Max Factor long wearing 2 in 1 lip gloss/color. It's like the other all-day brands without sucking the life out of your lip skin. Fabu!

2. Kashi TLC Oatmeal Dark Chocolate Cookies. Mmmmm. Just, wow.

3. Pomelo Sauvignon Blanc. Light, effervescent, citrus-y. Amazing summer vino!

4. Yoga. Family yoga last night was surprisingly hard! My daughter is ready for Cirque du Soleil. Little boneless chicken...

5. Old Navy gaucho pants. They are in the swimsuit section & are my new summer uniform when paired with a tank or T! Get yours in black and brown TODAY!

6. Planet Earth on Discovery HD. OK, FINE! My husband was right about something regarding that giant expensive HD flatscreen. This show eats the lunch of all other nature shows. Watch it! You'll thank me later.

7. My new job. It's not so much about "having a new job" that's great. It's more the "getting my sorry ass off the couch and being productive" that I dig.

8. Entrepreneurship. I just landed my very first client for my new business venture (we'll talk more about that later). My partner and I are starting small, but MAN can I dream big! Great things ahead!

Enjoy the rest of your week! Try to experience 1-6 (and maybe even 8!) for yourself ASAP! Anything I missed? What are YOU loving right now?

2007-04-14T13:19:00.000-07:00

If I were a bear, and Hobby Lobby were the woods...

What IS it about places with large amounts of paper? Craft stores, book stores, libraries?

I've been spending too much time (and money) at craft stores lately. My daughter's birthday party is tonight, and I've gone all crafty on her ass. I made cute personalized t-shirts as party favors, rather than the usual bags of crap. I made her cake myself, and have all sorts of fun activities planned. Did I mention that I have TWELVE seven year-olds sleeping at my house tonight? Yeah.

My husband seems to think I'm going all out because I feel guilty. Her real birthday is next weekend and I will be out of town for my new job. He is wrong. I think doing all this stuff is fun! I've been having a blast making the shirts, cake and planning other activities. Sadly, it's my only creative outlet right now. I'll take what I can get.

I have to go to New York for 10 days for training. Argh. I lucked out, though. Since one of my best friends lives in Conneticut, she is going to rescue me over the weekend and let me third wheel with her and her husband to a Fountains of Wayne concert. Yeah! I'm excited to see my friend AND get out of the hotel! I'll be MIA for longer than usual with my travels, but I'll holler and let you know how it goes!

2007-03-26T15:15:00.000-07:00

!Mexico Estas Muy Bien!

Oh, man. This place is SWEET! We are having a grand time! We did a night dive right away when we got here. It was pretty good. We saw a HUGE loggerhead turtle and a 7 foot green moray. The next day we relaxed with all the spring breakers by the pool after doing a spot of shopping. HEY! You can buy blow in Mexico. At a gift shop! Whoda thought? Not for me, gracias. You cannot, however, buy Xanax or Valium without a prescription in Mexico anymore. So I hear...

The next day we did cavern/cave diving in a unique place called the Cenotes. It is fresh & salt water combined. No wildlife, but very cool. Although we once surfaced into a small cave, and got a picture of a critter the guide called a spider, but had scorpion-like features too. I'll figure out how to add images when I get back & post a few. I also plan to send it to Ugly Overload since those readers seem to know their skittering critters.

That night we went to a really fun place for dinner that a friend had recommended. It's called Perico's (although my husband kept calling it Perritos and the hotel guys were making fun of him for asking for a small dog!) That place was a wonderful recommendation because it is very high energy, authentic Mexican family fun! Music, dancing, flaming desserts, you name it. The margaritas were super-strong & knocked us on our butts! Last night was dancing on the bar at Senor Frogs, then more drinks in the hotel lobby before we said "Uncle".

Today we did 2 regular reef dives. They were OK. The highlight for me was seeing a 10 foot nurse shark. My husband missed it as he had to go up before me since he was low on air. Well, that's the blow by blow. More later. Adios, muchachitas!

2007-03-18T19:34:00.000-07:00

Smooth Sailing

Well, I made it through the ride-along A-OK. My boss is over it too. So I called her with the news at 4:30 on Friday afternoon. She didn't sound too surprised. In fact, I talked to several ex-managers that day and NO ONE sounded surprised at all. One manager even said he was "jealous". I told him he should be and then answered everyone's questions regarding my recruiter!

I went and raked in some great deals at Kohls today in preparation for my trip next week. I needed a few core items such as shorts, a skirt and a few easy summer shirts....oh... and a new straw cowboy hat. My last one gave it's life for my trip to Jamaica. By the time that trip was over, it was hemorrhaging straw bits hither and yon.

I've also decided to suck it up and get "waxed" next week so I wouldn't have to mess with it while on vay-cay. Bikini line & legs. I'm thinkin' ouch. The crazy shit I do in the name of vanity...I tell ya.

My husband and I are very much looking forward to having some quality time to reconnect. We let our lives get so hectic that we have a tendency to "forget" about each other. Yay for a romantic vacation! I'll have a full report when I get back. Well, maybe not FULL!

Adios amigos!

2007-03-12T12:59:00.000-07:00

Winds of Change!

They are a-blowin' in the Pharmgirl household! I'm just going to give a rundown-style update since I've been MIA so much.

The baby turned two ("I TWO!") He had a great time at his party. He is a total little shit, and cute as a button. He tries harder and harder every day to communicate with the big people. He just moved to his 2 year old room at day care, where they keep the "little potties". We'll see how that goes.

He and dad went out of town last weekend, so my daughter and I had an amazing girl's weekend. We: had dinner out, watched her uncle's band play, had green pancakes for breakfast, went to a carnival, went to a parade, went to her soccer game, went out to dinner (again), visited a friend & her new baby, went home & watched "Cars", had a sleepover in my bed, had breakfast and cartoons in bed, went and saw Bridge to Terabithia, went to see a kid's exhibit, shopped, had lunch, got hot chocolate, and.....that's about it. Whew! What a whirlwind of fun!

So my BIG news is that I get to QUIT MY JOB this Friday and I couldn't be more excited! I finally landed a new gig & shall be starting on April 2nd. It only took me 7 months to get a new job. Jeesh! My boss is coming to town this week, but in order to get my first quarter bonus, I can't actually quit until Friday afternoon. I'll be interested to see if I actually give a crap when she's here. It may be hard to suspend the ride-along jitters, even with my evil secret!

To celebrate, my husband and I are jetting off to Cancun next week. It was very spur of the moment, but we really need to get away. Wahoo! Beach! SCUBA! Sun!

Also, I am working on a new business idea with a friend that I think could really be successful. Things are coming together quite nicely and I am really excited about this venture! If this takes off the way we hope, I will be putting my five year "tell Corporate America to go to hell" plan into action.

Exciting times ahead!

2007-02-25T14:56:00.000-08:00

(Sing:) "All...by...myself!"

I'm sure this post will only be read by me, since I've been M.I.A. for so long. Anyone who ever stopped by has probably given up by now!

Soooo, what's new, you ask? I am a final candidate for a job that might be fun, but I'm not sure if it will pay enough. Naturally, when it rains it pours! I've been trying to land interviews for six months. When I get one break through, a bunch of others crop up too! I have an interview with another company Tuesday, and maybe a third next week, too. So hopefully I'll be out of the current apathy-filled dreadful job soon! Yippee!

Also, I have randomly decided to become certified in teaching Children's Yoga. The course is next weekend. The funny thing is that I really don't take yoga all that often myself. This course kind of fell into my lap, and for some reason I felt compelled to sign up. At the very least, I can perhaps teach an occasional "special" class at my gym on a weekend here and there. And...who knows what else!

So here's the weird part of that decision: This may be a self-fulfilling prophecy that I would have never expected to fill. Several years ago I had a medium tell me that she could see me doing some kind of work with children. At the time, I chalked her comment up to one of her not-so-accurate comments/predictions. I scoffed because, I told her, that I highly doubted that would happen, as I do not really care for other people's children that much. To be honest, I did not even recall that prediction until after I signed up for the course, so I'm not sure if it counts as "self-fulfilling". Just for a baseline, this medium said some really amazing things that were so on the mark, it was just plain spooky. This chick was no phony...and no, I don't really care whether you believe in that sort of thing or not. And no, I don't spend an inordinate amount of time or money in the pursuit of such things.

It should be interesting. Other than that, I have been actively pursuing to relieve my stress and tension. I realized that I have been living my life in a bizarre state of balled-up knotted grrrrrrr. I am actually doing quite a few things simultaneously to attempt to achieve this goal. We'll see how it goes. Really, there's no downside to this pursuit. I'll find zen if it kills me, damn it!

Ommmmm.

2007-01-22T18:08:00.000-08:00

Cooties?

Do I have them? Is it something I said? Do you ever get the feeling you're giving off a bad vibe that makes people avoid you? Is it astrological alignment? Karma? Paranoia? I'm sure most would agree with the latter.

It's just that, lately, I'll call someone and they miss the call, or I'll send out an e-mail...and never get a reply. I do know it's not all about me, but when one incident turns into ten, it makes you wonder. Bad vooboo juice. This weirdness is popping in both my personal and professional life. My paranoia also stems from my apparent lack of appeal as a job candidate. I will say there is a big influx of qualified job candidates that are in the market right now, but I honestly feel as though I have been put on some "black-balled" list. Either I never hear anything from a company I am TOTALLY qualified for, or I land an interview and then am blown off in the most unprofessional manner ever. I may have to break down and talk to an image consultant if this trend doesn't turn around!

Truth be told, I'm not 100% down on MYSELF due to recent events, because I do firmly believe in "right place, right time" stuff. I know that I am a well qualified individual for the positions that I seek, and if there is not an interest on their part, that is their problem and not so much mine (except that I don't get a new gig!). Obviously, I am better off in the long run. It's just mystifying. I have another interview next week. We'll see if any feelings are mutual (again). Fortunately, I'm in a decent place now and I can afford to be picky. But if this job market trend continues, I'm afraid I'll go from picky to desperate in the blink of an eye.

I'll be in my happy place if you need me.

2006-12-28T09:17:00.000-08:00

Ex-Boyfriends

I wrote a nice long post with loads of links in it a couple days ago, got distracted while on one of the links and then proceeded to shut down my computer without saving my post. I am a retard and I really don't feel like trying to re-create it, so I'm doing this instead! This post prompted me to "borrow" the idea and make a list of my own. Thanks, Drivl!

13 Things Ex-Boyfriends Have Said to Me, Translated into What They Actually Meant-

The sociopathic older boyfriend:

BF: My credit stinks because I had tons of student loans I couldn't get paid off.
Translation: I am an irresponsible loser and I have everyone fooled! Too bad you'll never know where my money actually goes.

BF: I'll stop smoking since I know you hate it.
Translation: I'll stop smoking in front of you, and pray your friends don't see me smoking in my car after lying about it.

BF: I DID pay on that note you co-signed for. Their records must be screwed up.
Translation: Hey! Check out the forged documents I'm faxing over to try to stretch one more inch out of my web of lies.

BF: I have a ring for you on layaway.
Translation: Sucker.

BF: You're the girl I'm going to marry someday.
Translation: I'm so completely self-absorbed it never occurred to me that one day you might possibly see through my total bullshit.

Cheesy Disc Jockey Boyfriend:

BF: Lots of people come out to see me at live remotes.
Translation: Why aren't YOU fawning over me? Don't you know WHO I AM??

BF: Why are you naked? Aren't we going to lunch?
Translation: I'm a whiny baby who fears real intimacy, plus I'm really just too freakin' lazy to have sex.

BF: What, are you oversexed or something?
Translation: Break up with me.

BF: I almost drowned as a child.
Translation: I fell in the pool and was quickly yanked out. I am now a whiny drama queen who seeks sympathy and approval like it was the Holy Grail. And I suck.

Psychologist Boyfriend in the Profession to Help Himself

BF: No, I'm not hiding a family of Haitians in my basement, I just never ask anyone over.
Translation: I still live with my last girlfriend and want to have my cake and eat it too.

BF: You're upset about your mother, who is terminal? Well, can't you talk to your sister about it or something?
Translation: Kick me in the nuts, and then break up with me.

BF: I don't want you to break up with me.
Translation: Because then I'll probably just start sleeping with my "ex" girlfriend again.

BF: I can explain.
Translation: I can't explain.

2006-12-17T09:29:00.000-08:00

No Cucumber for Me, Either!

This picture on Ugly Overload prompted me to write about what not to do while scuba diving in Jamaica. Or anywhere, for that matter.

I was following the dive master pretty closely while diving last month, and I saw him pick up a big squishy looking thing from the ocean floor. It was a sea cucumber. He put it back down and moved on. So what do I do? Well, I just swam on over and picked it up too. If the dive master jumped off a bridge, I guess I should follow him over.

Actually, it was all good until about 2 days after I returned home. I noticed that my hand was itching pretty badly. The next day the whole side of my hand was swollen, lumpy and itching. Also, two finger tips on my other hand were having the same reaction. After surfing the web extensively for what could be wrong with my hand (cow itch? jellyfish? starfish?) it dawned on me that I had handled the sea cucumber. I had no idea they were poisonous/stinging/evil. Well, they are. So that whole "don't mess with the flora and fauna while you're diving" thing wasn't just a mere suggestion...it's a really good freakin' idea!

It's been about 5 weeks, and those areas on my hands are still not 100% healed. I can't believe it's taking so long! About 8 or 9 days into the inflammation, I THINK that little microscopic short black hair-like things were being pushed out of my skin during the night. It kind of looked like lint fibers, but I only saw them on the surface of my skin where the wound was. Weird. I couldn't find anything on the internet about the types of injuries that sea cucumbers can inflict, so maybe this post will help the next dumb S.O.B. that does what I did! Live and learn. Happy diving...and please don't hassle the cucumbers!

2006-12-11T12:38:00.000-08:00

Decor-fest 2006 Year-End Wrap Up

Why, oh why, when I have 866,512 other things to do, do I decide I need to trade my own spaces? I think being under pressure gets my creative juices flowing. Rather than using said juices to get my actual priorities in order, I like to blow things off and just do other stuff instead. Like my bathroom. And basement. And plan my master bath. Garrrrr.

This past weekend I busted my ass re-doing my guest bathroom. It has been beige, and boring and uninspired for, oh, 6 years or so. As it turns out, I just needed to wait six years for inspiration to strike. It's a tiny room with a stand-up corner shower (I call it my mother-in-law bathroom). My husband was afraid of my concept, but as usual, he was thrilled with the end result. I painted the 8' knock down ceiling deep ruby red, and then worked a thin brown glaze into the crevices. The walls are very dark brown (Turkish Coffee, to be exact). The wood cabinets are now white, and we put up a wide crown molding. I also replaced all the hardware including my towel bar and T.P. holder. I got a lovely magnolia painting for the wall. I still need a few other decor items, but it's done for the most part. Yeahhh! New bathroom!

My husband I are re-working our basement/bar layout in order to accommodate a flat-panel TV and an electric fireplace. He asks for my opinions, but that one is his baby! I also semi-stole an idea from my sister regarding bathroom decor. She's re-doing one of her bathrooms and had ordered some tile samples. One that she's not using caught my eye, so I think I'll order a bunch of it to put on a couple of walls in my master bath which is already mint green and periwinkle blue. My own private spa! Aaaah. My husband was thrilled there was no painting involved with that plan, but did go on to say "I will not be doing any grouting". Well...OK then.

I don't know why, but it is very satisfying to imagine a project and then see it realized. Well, that's the decor wrap up for '06. Much more to come in '07!

2006-12-02T16:13:00.000-08:00

Flesh Poking Fun!

We made the leap yesterday. My six year old daughter got her ears pierced! I told her once we got there, there was no going back. It wasn't until the Claire's girl marked dots on her ears that we realized her lobes are asymmetrical. Weird. Anyway, it all went off without a hitch! She reported that it "didn't even hurt a bit" and is very excited. We let her choose a few earrings to wear after her six week healing time was complete. I think her grandma and papa are planning on picking up some real diamond earrings for her for Christmas. I urged them to go as cheaply as possible. Unfortunately for me, diamond happens to be her birthsone, but fortunately for me, her grandma likes to shop AND buy diamonds!

To be perfectly honest, I really debated on what the "right" age is to get your ears pierced. My mother had some bizarre notion that it was mutilation on some level, and made my sister and I wait until be were teenagers (she didn't get her ears pierced until she was over 40!). Boy, you should have seen her face when she first spied my navel piercing!

I'm not a big fan of the trend of getting your tiny baby's ears pierced, but when they're old enough to express the desire, and do a bit of the ear-care themselves, then why not? I dare say that earrings are not a "trend" that will be going away...ever. My little girl is growing up! And by golly, she's a pretty darn good egg.

2006-11-28T20:36:00.000-08:00

Wow....is it almost Christmas?

Where have I been? Let's see...the in-laws in Oklahoma...OH! and Jamaica! I went with my sister to attend her friend's wedding and it was DREAMY! I am already trying to scheme my next trip there with my husband. I've heard mixed reviews from others regarding their trips to Jamaica, but ours was really great. Sure, not EVERYTHING went right (booked at wrong resort, no shower, turn-down service took giant dump in our room, and raging burn/rash from handling a sea cucumber) but the place we went to was so serene, it was easy to overlook petty problems. I went scuba diving by myself for the first time. By "by myself" I mean without the hubby. And LOOK! I didn't drown. Yippee! More vacation chat later.

Had an OK holiday with the in-laws. The high point was probably our practical joke. Our neighbor is a huge MU fan. My husband is a rabid OU fan. We stole our neighbor's tiger print MU rock from their flower bed and drove it to OU's campus. The intention was to get several snaps of the rock on OU's 50 yard line. Some kill-joy that worked at the stadium squashed that plan ("You STOLE it? Well, you certainly shouldn't have done THAT. You need to leave right now". W-H-A-T?!?!) so we took pictures with every imaginable OU logo and sign we could find. I'll be making a montage tomorrow.

Well...I am SO tie-tie. Off to bed. More soon!

2006-11-06T08:35:00.000-08:00

Scalp Massage

After enjoying a few tastes of his mashed potatoes last night, the baby decided to thoroughly rub the last few bites into his hair, all the while eyeing me carefully for my reaction. I declined to react at first, but when he came back with a heaping mound, I had to draw the line. It's a good thing that he enjoys the tub.

I am having an OFFICIAL sick day today. I drove to the gym this morning and sat in the parking lot for a few moments. When I realized that I just couldn't bring myself to go in, I knew it was "sick day" time. I have been hacking up goo for over a week and this weekend it decided to expand into my sinuses as well. Awesome. Unfortunately the Zicam and the Airborne are not so much helping at this point. I have a doctor appointment this afternoon, so hopefully a chest x-ray will reveal the true nature of this cootie.

I have an extra-busy week after today. I have to go out of town for work on Wednesday and Thursday and then Friday I leave for my five day trip to the BEACH! I am super-excited about that. Now, if I can only lose the goo between now and then, I'll be golden!

2006-10-27T09:41:00.000-07:00

Pharmgirl's Friday Fill-In

I don't have a lot of time this morning, so I decided to steal this meme from Jane at Average Jane . You may wish to do the same!

Friday Fill-In:

1. The scariest movie I've ever seen is...
2....is stuck in my head.
3. If I had a superpower, it would be...
4. The last blog I commented on was...
5. The last last person to comment on my blog was...
6. Whatcha doin' this fine weekend?

My answers:

1. Salem's Lot. I couldn't remember the name, so I found it here. I snuck into my parent's room & watched this when I was a little kid. The scene where the vampire burst through the kitchen window & bit the mom terrified me. I slept with a cross made out of crayons by my bed for years after that. Oh...and the nightmares. Jeeesh!
2. Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake. Don't even know why. Garrrr.
3. Easy. Flying.
4. Hmmmm. It's been a LONG time. Probably Rancid Raves.
5. Someone who goes by "She". That's all I know.
6. Alot! Having guests over tonight, then an early soccer game Saturday. Getting a sitter and going out with friends from out of town Sat. PM, then up & at 'em early Sunday to get ready to leave for the Chief's game. I haven't been in years. I don't care at all about sports, but it's such a fun atmosphere. Sunday night I might hit a comedy club is the scheduling gods will allow it. Whew!

Have a killer weekend!

2006-10-23T10:41:00.000-07:00

The Lazy Days of Fall

Oh, wait. Is that supposed to be summer? I forgot to stop the laziness. It's been a weird couple of weeks lately.

My husband's schedule has been insane, so we're two ships that pass in the night. My daughter's social calendar has been packed. The baby has decided to randomly wake up at odd times and HOWL until you come into the room, where he then flops face forward onto the bed, silent. Once you foolishly think he's back to sleep...you c..r..e..e..p out, only to hear the piercing squeals start once again. Last night I just took him out of bed around 9:15, because he'd been screaming for the previous 2 hours, and I just couldn't take it anymore. The Tylenol didn't work this time. I let him run around until my husband got home about 20 minutes later. He magically managed to to get him back to bed. He woke up a couple hours after that and this time I learned that if I left his bedroom door open a bit, he thought I was still in the room after I left. That seemed to work. SSSSighhhhhhhhh.

The lazy part I mentioned is unfortunately stemming from my professional life...or lack thereof. I've been quite busy keeping my eyes open for a new gig. I think I need to stop it. The continuous unsuccessful "looking" is starting to stress me out. I'm not getting jack-squat done with my actual job. I have such a massive "what's my motivation" thing going on, it's not even funny. To be honest, I'm really not sure what to do about it. I would honestly LIKE to be more productive...it just seems like an impossible goal to reach. I need an A-Ha! right about now. Any ideas?

2006-10-05T09:46:00.000-07:00

I have spawned Dennis the Menace!

Yes, it's true. My son is a little shit. I catch him digging in the dirt of the giant plant in the foyer. As my husband and I are both scolding him, he looks up at us and slowly backs up over to the plant (while we're in mid-scold, mind you) and wanders one hand back into the dirt! Ahhh!

He's trying to assert him new-found control at the breakfast and dinner table (he eats just GREAT at daycare!). He runs away from you while outside as fast as his short, chubby legs can carry him. If he doesn't get his way, he'll pitch a holy fit. Sigh. The terrible twos are starting early in our house. My daughter skipped the terrible twos and chose to wait until closer to three.

My husband and I feel that we're fairly strict when it comes to our kids and the B.S. they try to dole out. We really don't put up with a lot of crap. This terrible two thing is a little harder than the threes, because he won't tell us what he wants, or what his problem is. I think the language barrier is causing a lot of the problems at this stage.

Sigh. Thank goodness for hair dye. Lord only knows how many greys I'm actually sprouting under there!

2006-09-26T14:26:00.000-07:00

Chi-tastic!

Back from Chicago in one piece (barely). We drove to Oklahoma (gar) to see the in-laws & drop off the kiddos. We jumped an EARLY plane to Chicago to meet 2 pairs of neighbors on Friday and then returned to OK on Sunday. Monday was another painful drive home.

All in all, it was good. One set of neighbors, we won't be traveling with again. It was Drunk Dad and his wife. We didn't think he was drinking anymore, and DEFINITELY shouldn't be! Talk about Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde! Holy Smokes. This idiot's antics came to a head Saturday night prompting our other neighbor to want to "punch him out". Sigh. Doesn't 3rd grade SEEM so far, far away? It's too bad because the wife is great. Oh well.

Friday night we had dinner at Harry Caray's and it was great. We blew the rest of the evening at Mother Hubbard's swilling beer. Saturday I shopped on Michigan Avenue with the gals while my husband and "ok" neighbor golfed. Drunk Dad stayed in his hotel room ALL day due to previous night's hangover. Never been to Chicago before, yet stayed in the room. Yeah. I landed a steal of a deal from Macy's on a Ralph Lauren pant suit and got some more black loafers from Filene's Basement. That night we had a nice Italian dinner and then hit some bars on Rush Street. I'm just skimming over the part where one neighbor almost punched the other and we ended up parting ways with Mr. Hyde & wife.

The next day my husband and I left much later than everyone else, so we had most of the day to enjoy. We had breakfast at Tempo, which was AMAZING. We also saw Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore and posse there. We were already seated and they had to wait in line outside like everyone else. Ha!

Then we hit the Field Museum and talked our way into the next available King Tut exhibit showing (they wanted us to wait 2 1/2 hours. No go with our flight!) It was cool but we liked the Evolution exhibit better. I ran into one of my old docs right in front of Sue in the lobby. What are the odds?

For me, the worst part was getting back to Oklahoma to see that our luggage had not arrived. No new suit, no make-up, shampoo, clothes or deodorant. Fortunately, it showed up the next day.

Back to reality! A couple of chiropractor trips and a massage this week ought to have me back to normal and right as rain!

2006-09-21T09:50:00.000-07:00

Just Say "No" To Todd

Disclaimer: These comments are based solely on the experience of me, plus a couple of friends. I'm sure there are one or two decent ones out there (maybe).

While chatting with a couple of friends the other day, it dawned on us that we have NEVER met someone named Todd, that wasn't a piece of crap on some level. Not once. What is it about naming your kid "Todd" that dooms him to a life of being a dick? Yes, some Todds are worse than others, but generally speaking, we could all agree on this phenom.

Anyone ever met a Todd worth a damn? Lemme have it.

2006-09-18T20:17:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday To Me!

Another year! Yeah for me! I worked all day, and my husband was working tonight. Hrmph. Fortunately a friend of mine came to my rescue. She brought over food & cake. It was lovely! Don't get me wrong...we had a weekend filled with crazy fun too.

I had to play a little trick on my daughter. My husband searched high and low for the perfume I wanted for my birthday. He could NOT find it and had to give up to go to work. Unfortunately, he promised our daughter that he would secure the gift and put it on her bed so she could give it to me when she got home from school. Long story short: I wrapped up some perfume I already owned and stuffed it into a gift bag. She proudly presented it to me about 5 minutes after I jammed it into a bag. She would have been very upset not to give me a present. I think that's one of those acceptable white lies, y'know? I bought my real gift on eBay, and my husband can pay me back later. Romantic, huh? Guess it could be worse.

My husband, the kids and I are off for a little road trip to Oklahoma, then an adults only weekend in Chicago. Good times!

It will be nice to not look at my work e-mail or listen to voice mail for SIX DAYS STRAIGHT! Wahoooo! I've been working much harder than I'd like to lately, but it is what it is. The good news is that after this mini-trip, I'll still have almost 3 weeks of vacation left. Whatever shall I do with it?

I'll check back in after Chi-town and let ya know how it was. Wish me luck on Michigan Avenue!

2006-09-08T18:26:00.000-07:00

Cutest Book EVER!

The kids got a super-belated Christmas gift from one of my husband's friends from his hometown. It was two books. One of them was a book called Skippyjon Jones by Judy Schachner. Oh...my...gosh. After 800 kid's books, it gets pretty tiresome to do bedtime stories when you're tired too. I loved this book so much I re-read it in my own bed before I went to sleep. The illustrations are adorable and the story is deee-vine! Skippyjon is a precocious little Siamese kitten with a grand imagination. His mother calls him little pet names, such as "Mr. Fluffernutter" and "Mr. Kitten Britches".

Just a little excerpt:

"Then, using his very best Spanish accent, he said "My ears are too beeg for my head. My head ees too beeg for my body. I am not a Siamese cat...I AM A CHIHUAHUA!"

It just gets better from there. If you have kids or need to buy a gift for one, this is it. Loved it!

"

2006-08-21T19:18:00.000-07:00

Overheard

At a large sporting goods store this afternoon near the knife section:

Guy 1: "Dude, NOBODY messes with you when you have a machete!"

Guy 2 & 3: (actually in unison) "Except...THE POLICE!"

Guy 1: "Well, if it's concealed...." trails off

2006-08-21T07:37:00.000-07:00

Picasso...

...I am not. But I have been getting a chance to flex my creative muscles once again. Last weekend I faux finished my entire living room. It needed a little jazzing up. It also inspired me to add a bit to my decor. I moved some things up from the basement and bought a few new items at Restoration Hardware and Hobby Lobby. Because the Fab Five say so, I am de-ficus-ing my house. I like it!

While I was wandering around a home decor store, I ran across a piece of art that caught my eye. After examining it for a moment, I thought "I could do that". As it is not a one step process, I am not done yet. I have no earthly idea how it will come out. I'll let ya know!

It is also kid's room mural time again! A couple years ago I did a bold cartoony flower garden in my daughter's room and it turned out pretty well. Our neighbors, who have two boys, are adopting their 8 year old niece, whose mother is terminal and not expected to make it more than a few more weeks. The girl is a BIG TIME tomboy, so I had to carefully pick her brain for what kind of room she might like. First we settled on primary colors and a smiley face theme. The next day (after I found all the bedding and decor online) she announced that the previous plan was scrapped and now she wanted a Lions on the Savannah theme. Final answer? Yep. I've never done anything like that before, but I feel pretty confident about it. We'll have a whole family of lions around the room, complete with an African tree in one corner and up onto the ceiling, and a glowing sunset against the opposite wall. Wish me luck! I also found the CUTEST bedding that goes with my theme. I'll try to put some pix of the room up when I'm done.

She's very excited about the room, as she has always lived in an apartment. I'm just happy I can make her transition during this really rough time a tiny bit more pleasant.

Well, I'd better go hop in the shower. I wouldn't want to be late for my super-important lunch with a bunch of doctor's who couldn't care any less!

2006-08-09T12:00:00.000-07:00

Fryin' Eggs

It is SO flippin' hot outside right now I could just keel over. The bad news is, with all this "work" I have to do now, I have no choice but to be out schlepping around in it! Ick.

Last weekend I had a nice girls trip to the lake. This one was only for the big girls, though. We enjoyed a free-wheeling weekend of drunken debauchery (within reason, natch). Since it is not possible for me to leave town without some ailment or another, the lucky cootie this weekend was something that ACTED like Strep throat, but didn't respond to medication. Awesome. I had big oozy white spots on my tonsils and it felt like I was swallowing razor blades. The GOOD news is that enough painkillers paired with alcohol really DOES make you forget your troubles! Among those troubles being your abused, squishy liver of course. It is finally clearing up today...thank God!

The first day of school is just around the corner. My daughter is excited to begin first grade, but I'm sure she'll miss summer camp, too. On Monday she swam far enough to earn her "12 foot bracelet", which means she can jump off of the diving board and use the water slide. What a little fish! Last night her camp had an assembly, where we were entertained by a little skit done by the 5 and 6 year old groups. They also handed out awards to some of the kids, and my daughter landed the "Most Athletic Girl" award for her age group. Yeah! Soooo much better than "Best Camper" or "Most Fashionable"! She's been making all kinds of strides this summer, well on her way to becoming a really good kid. We're so proud! Now if we can only control her smart lip, she'll really be a dream come true!

2006-07-30T17:07:00.000-07:00

Ford 500-1, Deer-0

My new car is like Christine. It has a mind of it's own and it has been DYING to be wrecked! It finally managed to achieve it's goal when the baby and I were on our way back from the pool this afternoon. A deer jumped out directly into the path of my car and, well....you know the rest. I stopped & checked into the woods for the deer. It was badly injured and within 10 minutes, it was dead. I was there for over 10 minutes because I was waiting for my husband to show up with his gun. He didn't need to use it.

We live in an area surrounded by woods, so we get all of the critters that come with them. My husband hit & killed a deer when I was pregnant with my daughter. When he hit it, it bounced off of the passenger side window, right in front of me. It made me cry.

The traffic on the Rainbow Bridge near our house is getting a bit heavy. My daughter's fish, Ariel, managed to once and for all pick off Sleeping Beauty III, but now Areil's karma is coming back to bit her in the tail fins. The fin rot that got Sleeping Beauty now has Ariel in it's grips. The tank additives are not working. Man, do I ever feel an "I told ya so" coming on. I told my husband this whole fish business was baaaaad news.

My proudest moment this weekend was when I decided I had had it once and for all with the craziness of my kitchen pantry. I cleaned it out! Yeah! For some reason I had, like, 5 opened boxes of graham crackers. I really don't even eat graham crackers that often. Go figure. Have a lovely week!

2006-07-21T19:46:00.000-07:00

Ragin' River

Ahhhhhh, summer. It's hot. Really freakin' hot. I am in Texas right now. Seguin, TX to be exact! I had a meeting in Texas, so I figured I'd use my "free" air fare to have some fun! I flew my daughter here (her first solo flight...she did great!) and we've been playing at the Schlitterbahn for the past two days. On day two we clued in to what everyone else already knew: bring a cooler with your own food & drinks. One trip to Walgreens and a $5.99 cooler later, we had a lovely picnic today & saved ourselves from having another overpriced undercooked greasy lunch. Hmmmm...I just took a look at the map on the waterpark's web site and I see that even over two days, we somehow managed to totally miss a big chunk of what looks to be a really fun area of the park. Darn. Better not say anything to little missy.

We stayed at a La Quinta and rented an Economy car (the nicest one I've had to date) and we've been having a Thelma and Louise kinda weekend (except without the alcohol, assault, firearms and suicide. You know what I mean! A girls trip!)

My daughter did pretty good, although she acted like a big chicken-shit before each and every attraction. It took her about a day and a half (out of two) to lighten up a bit. The only other bummer was the severe chemical burn I got in my eyes from the SPF 50 I slathered all over my face the first day. It was so bad that I couldn't open my eyes, focus or stop the tears from streaming down my face...for about 30-45 minutes. I had a lady ask me if I was OK. Well, not really but whatayagonna do? I finally bought some Visine, donned my shades, took two Aleve and relaxed for a bit. Oddly enough, there's very little on the internet about this problem. Some places refer to sunscreen "stinging" your eyes, but that doesn't even BEGIN to describe my issue yesterday.

ANYWAY, last night was delightful. We drove to the RiverWalk and had a nice dinner along the water, and then saw a lovely culturally rich singing and dancing show right on the water put on by a local troupe. It was really quite entertaining! We were going to go back there tonight, but we were both so tired from today, we settled for pizza and the hotel pool instead. Thank goodness!

Back home tomorrow and back to the old grind. Work is SUPER BUSY! Luckily for me, I'll have wonderful memories of our mother/daughter weekend to carry me through until the next one!

2006-07-16T19:41:00.000-07:00

Visions

So I got my new company car the other day. It's nice! The brake is a bit touchy though. Thank God. I was toodling down the highway a couple days ago (going about 55 mph), fiddling with my dash board when all of a sudden I look up and the car in front of me is at a DEAD STOP. I locked it up and jerked the wheel. Fortunately I was in the right lane. Not only did I manage to miss the car, but I was also able to correct in time to miss the guard rail as well. In my wildest dreams I have no idea how I missed that car. I did learn two things, though. 1) I am an idiot. 2) I have cat-like reflexes.

Here's where the weird part comes in. In my mind I totally SAW myself hit that car. I heard metal rend and saw cars crumple. When I came to a stop on the shoulder, I was a bit baffled. My brain was trying to piece together what happened. I WRECKED! And yet, I didn't. And no, I've never done acid. Another odd aspect to this event was that I really didn't tense up. I would fully expect to be wearing my shoulders up around my ears for AT LEAST a week after a near miss like that. So to say the least, I'm intrigued by what happened last week. Deepak Chopra would say that there's no such thing as a figment of your imagination and that there are no coincidences.

The jury's still out for me.

2006-07-02T20:26:00.000-07:00

Vendetta

My husband says "Didn't you hear me screaming like a little girl out there? I was all.."no". When really I was thinking "again?" He was out front sitting on a the porch bouncing a ball, watching our daughter in the kiddie pool....when ALL OF A SUDDEN!!!!!!!!.....he was stung in BOTH legs by wasps. That's gonna leave a mark.

We discovered a HUGE wasp's nest right underneath the chair on our front porch. My husband knocked it down, sprayed it, and then stepped in it. He STEPPED on it. It was at that moment that a TORRENT of wasp goo shot forth onto the front porch. Eggs, larvae, Queen..you name it. Geeeee-rossse.

Later that afternoon my husband trots off to work with instructions to go to Home Depot or "somewhere" and buy several cans of bug spray.

I spent the rest of the day dodging VERY mad wasps learning their home was GONE. I got about 5 or 6, but I'm not sure the war is over. These guys are not among the "oh, well" variety. Oh, no. It can't be THAT easy.

I started this post like 9 days ago and am just now getting back to it. SINCE the aforementioned incident, I have received my wasp traps and so far....nothing. I may have the wrong kind of bait in them, but I haven't caught one damn wasp in 4 days!

The good news is that it actually looks kind of nice hanging on my front porch, so there's that.

Anyway, back to doing all my cheesy "prep" work before my manager comes into town tomorrow. I just COULDN'T be more excited. The little game I'll be playing with myself is called "See how long it takes her to say something about the raise they promised me and then reneged on". I'll give her about 2 hours.

2006-06-28T10:37:00.000-07:00

Tah-Dah!

I made it back from training ALIVE! Barely. I won't go into boring detail but last week was the longest week EVER. The only saving grace is that while they were cramming my brain full of disease state minutiae, I imagined new synapses branching out and growing like vines. They say learning new things and challenging your brain keeps you mentally younger...and smarter! So....yippee for my brain! (Sorry, it just needs all the support it can get right now.)

The kids missed me & I missed them. It was nice to be home.

Now the REAL challenge begins. I have to go out and meet and make nice to 100 new doctors and their staff. Ick. OH! And convince them that one of my drugs PROBABLY won't kill their patients (but please sign this scary written consent form anyway thankyouverymuch). Awesome.

The happiest thing for me right now is COMPLETELY MATERIAL. God, I'm shallow. I'm writing from my new PRIVATELY OWNED laptop. The corporate IT spies can suck it. I have no idea why I waited so long. I got a Dell that weighs 5 lbs., has loads of memory, integrated wireless, plays movies, and has an upgraded battery, sent to my doorstep for $650 total. Yippee!

That's about it for now. I'm just hangin' out to see if my company is going to come through with the raise they led me to believe I would be getting. But now, maybe notsomuch. Big surprise.

2006-06-13T09:46:00.000-07:00

Change is BAD

Yes, it's true folks. I fear change. Loathe it, even. Change that I do not initiate pisses me off. We'll call it a character flaw, mkay? Not loving my new gig so far, but in an effort not to become Dooced, I shall refrain from going into any more detail via this forum. Let's just say that this is a very transitional time for me, career-wise and it ain't over. Sigh.

I have a neighbor in my cul-de-sac that calls our area Wisteria Lane. There is so much random crap that goes down around here. Idiot Mom got some type of actual confirmation last week that Absent Dad was actually cheating on her. Man, did I get an earful last night! He managed to convince her that it was only two times, last summer. Hell, I'VE known about it for two freakin' years! What a POS! THEN it comes out, right there on my neighbor's front porch that my OTHER neighbor once had an affair and he and his wife had "worked through it". Argh! So then any advice/comment (i.e.-you and the kids deserve better...how could you ever believe anything he ever says from this point forward, etc.) that I made to Idiot was in essence, bashing the "working thru it" neighbors sitting there. Can't please everyone, right? There I go again.

Remember the story about my husband's co-worker's inappropriate comment to me? It just keeps getting better. It turns out that my husband DID make co-worker aware that he knew about it and co-worker laughed it off saying he was just joking around. The other day co-worker E-MAILED me to complain about my husbands overexuberance regarding car shopping. We're looking to upgrade. I thought it was a bit odd, but replied something to the effect that co-worker spent more time with him than I did, so it was really HIS problem. Creepy co-worker responded back to that with some flip comment, which I chose to ignore. Husband sees co-worker e-mail and was NOT HAPPY. He tells co-worker in the nicest way possible, that although he knows there is nothing going on, he feels it is inappropriate for this guy to be e-mailing me. Co-worker decides to play the wounded victim and announces his intentions to let their supervisor know that he no longer wishes to work in such a close capacity to my husband. "I'm not going to wait around to be accused for a THIRD time of hitting on your wife!" he says huffily. Of course, my husband was non-confrontational from the get-go, but naturally pointed out to Creepy what a big 'ol can of worms he would be opening if he said anything to ANYONE. Duh. We'll see how it plays out.

So there's my drama. When will I get a "normal" week back again? OK...back to studying. Wish me luck.

2006-06-04T17:49:00.000-07:00

Furry Critters

Oh yeah. Sorry. The hamster. And more. So Wolf Child goes into our unoccupied neighbor's house during the day, goes up into the kid's room, takes apart the hamster cage and presumably squeezes their pet hamster to death. The mom ALSO goes into the neighbor's house, just on mere suspicion that the kid might be in there and finds him upstairs. OH WAIT! This is AFTER she has been searching for him for over 30 minutes. That means he was probably out of her sight for an hour and a half. I'm not kidding. Why WOULDN'T you let your 3 year old run the neighborhood completely unsupervised?

My husband caught wind of the story and told me, but then Idiot Mom comes down that evening and asked me if I heard what happened. She says (and I quote) "What kind of kid DOES that anyway?!?" I literally almost had to forcibly slap my own hand over my mouth. Since she did ask and all, I informed her that that sort of thing is a precursor for Serial Killer behavior and if I were her I would have him evaluated by a psychologist as soon as possible. Naturally, she hemmed and hawed around at that. "How do you even FIND someone like that?" Um, I dunno...CALL your damn insurance company, I guess!

The next day I was in one of my medical buildings and saw a flyer for a family/child psychologist that accepts most major insurance plans. Well, she DID ask. So the next day I gave it to her and said "If I were you, I would call and get an appointment RIGHT AWAY". Two weeks later, knowing FULL WELL she didn't call anyone, I said "So, what did the psychologist say?" Yeah...well, Mr. Idiot (or Cheatie McCheaterson as we like to call him) apparently let the family's insurance lapse. Yeah...four kids. Geeez. She wouldn't have called either way, though. She sucks that much.

That family used to be a mild source of amusement and gossip. It's SO far past that now. I wish they would go away.

Speaking of furry critters, I was SO mad this morning. On our way to a rural lake cabin this weekend, we passed a pasture with a lone, emaciated horse. I walked with the kids daily so we brought the gentle horse apples and carrots. It gratefully accepted the offerings. This poor horse was painfully thin and had scars on it sides that could scarcely mean anything besides abuse. Today when my daughter and I made our final journey down the way with treats in hand we approached the horse only so see bloody wounds on at least two of it's legs that were NOT there the day before. I can't tell you how pissed I was. As soon as I got back to the cabin, I jotted down the number for the local Humane Society and I shall be giving them an earful tomorrow. I can only hope that the little rural country-folk communities don't shrug these things off (which I'll hopefully find out during my follow-up calls). I'll keep you posted. I'd like to find the owner so I could see how much HE likes it.

2006-06-04T17:33:00.000-07:00

This is your brain on learning

The visual here is a fried egg. Duh. I am learning about disease states that are SO complicated that I think my head is going to explode. I miiiight have an actual mental breakdown before that happens. Exhibit A. Two & a half hour nap yesterday while on vacay with the family at the lake. That just never happens. Exhibit B. Slept for eleven and a half hours last night. My internal clock ALWAYS gets me up. Hmmm. Exhibit C. I went from normal to meca-bitch in about 30 seconds earlier today (after reading data that made my neurons stop firing altogether. They just oozed into a pile of goo.)

Y'know, I think I've jumped too far ahead here. The quick background is that my company decided to put the 9 people they "promoted" into our other division on an "accelerated" training program. Rather than 8 weeks of training that a new hire would go through, my company wants us to do our "home study", which includes learning the minutiae of two complex disease states and ALL the drugs used to treat them, but MOSTLY the drugs WE are selling, into ONE week. We don't just read the data, mind you. Oh no! We read XY&Z each day and are then TESTED DAILY on it, with MORE tests online next week! THEN! One week in the home office to PROVE you were paying attention! Holy crap. This is the hardest, most complicated stuff I've ever tried to digest. I'm up for the challenge, mind you, but it just may kill me. So I've been....busy. Help.

2006-05-22T10:34:00.000-07:00

You like me! You really, really like me!

Not so much YOU, but my employer. So I am NOT jobless. Whew! It's been a white-knuckling few weeks. I was covertly offered a choice by a former manager within my company: take a 3 month severance package or switch over into one of my company's other divisions because my territory was going to be absorbed into someone else's. Hmmmm. Job or no job? I think I'll take the job. So my NEW boss called me on Friday and offered me the job officially!

The bad news is that a bunch of people I really liked lost their jobs on Friday. And even worse....they canned someone in order to give me her job. I feel kinda bad, but I like to think they would've cut her loose whether or not I took the job. Yeah...just keep tellin' yerself that.

Anyway, one of my good work buddies will be taking over my OLD territory so at least we'll see each other over lunch when he's in town.

In my own mind I like to think of this as a promotion. It's less travel, possibly more money and people within my company went to great lengths to make sure I wasn't let go. I feel all warm and fuzzy! The bad news is that I know jack-squat about the field I'm getting ready to move into. Two weeks of on-line training and then TWO WEEKS out of town for training! Aaaaaaaaaah!

Oh well, it's better than the bread line, right?

So there you have it. Next time I promise to finish the Hamster story. It just keeps gettin' better.

2006-05-17T20:19:00.000-07:00

Gisting

OK...I've been a baaaad blogger. According to my sister I have LOTS to talk about. Getting it from my frazzled brain onto the computer has been a big 'ol challenge. So I'm gonna break this down. I'll give you the gist and perhaps when I haven't lost my will to live, I'll go into more detail!

Remember the feral neighbor kid that runs around naked and craps in other people's yards? He went into another neighbors house when no one was home during the day and KILLED their pet hamster. Just...speechless. (Actually I wasn't, but I'll save that story for another time!)

OHHH! HERE'S some content. For your consideration: The letter I wrote to my daughter's bus driver. Geeeez!

Hi Mr. Smith-

Daughter has been telling me that she and her friend C. are assigned to a seat on the bus with a girl named Snarly.

According to Daughter, Snarly frequently says unkind things to both of the other girls and has even threatened physical violence (i.e. she'll "punch them" if they don't sit where she says). This is not the first time Daughter has mentioned this to me, but she finally agreed to have me ask to rearrange the seating assignment. I know it's late in the year, but I'm guessing this will not only apply to the rest of this year, but perhaps the future as well. I'd like to avoid any further conflict if possible for all of the girls, and from what I understand, it would be a relief for both Daughter and C. to be moved, although I cannot speak for C.'s parents.

Thanks for your help. If you need to reach me or wish to discuss it further, please feel free to contact me at your convenience.

Thanks in advance for your assistance!

The bus driver did call me and was very accommodating. Snarly better watch her ass. That's all I gotta say.

Also, I totally went off on a random neighbor I don't even know. I did know he's a cop (didn't know he was a Major, AND I don't care). The kiddies and I were walking with another neighbor and her kids. The older kids were all up ahead on scooters when this dog SHOT out from it's yard, attacking the oldest neighbor kid who was standing right next to my daughter. The girl just ended up with scratches, but I was PISSED! I charged up yelling "Do you have an aggressive dog running around LOOSE out here?!?!" The wife's response was "He's not aggressive MA'AM." I was all WHH-AA-TT?!?! I threatened to call Animal Control if I ever saw that dog anywhere near the sidewalk again. There I go again! Makin' everyone fall in love with me!

Anywhoooo, the biggest reason that I've been preoccupied lately is some big changes at work. I may be "affected" by my company's "downsizing". The last two weeks have been a flurry and as of right now, my fate is uncertain. I'm trying reaaal hard not to run around like my hair's on fire. I fear change. It sucks and I'm pissed.

Yup...that pretty much sums it up.

2006-05-05T19:00:00.000-07:00

Sleeping Beauty visits Davey Jones Locker

My husband somehow thought it would be a GREAT idea to get my daughter two goldfish for her birthday. I was all "Whoa partner! Your funeral and YOUR deal. Not mine. Good luck." Man sometimes it is CRAZY hard being right all the time!

She names her two fish after her two favorite princesses. Ariel and Sleeping Beauty. Welllll, Sleeping Beauty was a little twitchy from word go. I said to my husband "Oh, yeah. I give that one a day, tops." He thought I was being all evil and cynical. What a weird coincidence that he was already at work the next day when I had to use a COMB to fish Sleeping Beauty's lifeless corpse from the tank. Hmmm. My daughter really didn't seem all that perturbed by the incident and said "Oh well. I guess we'll go get another one tomorrow." Did I forget to install part of her sensitivity chip? Damn.

Well let me just tell you that Sleeping Beauty II didn't make it that long, either. Ariel is a giant hog and aggressively eats all the food, so as I figure it, Ariel has been off'ing the Sleeping Beauty clan. It's like the Hatfields and McCoys...only in a five gallon tank and no shotguns. Did I mention I'm tired?

I tried to impress upon my daughter that Ariel would no doubt find a way to deep 6 any competition that we brought her way. She said "Let's try just...TWO more times, then we'll just let Ariel be alone."

So far Sleeping Beauty III is doing OK, but I'm sure it's only a matter if time before we have to perform another burial at sea.

If you look reeeeeal close, you CAN almost see an evil gleam in Ariel's bulgy little black eye. Bitch.

2006-04-22T05:39:00.000-07:00

Nurse Betty says "smoke 'em if ya got 'em"!

I was hanging out while my daughter was getting her hair cut the other day and I heard the patron in the next chair tell her stylist that she was in the health care field, working as a cardiac nurse. The subject then segued into a proposed bar and restaurant smoking ban in the area.

At one point, the nurse says "Well, we certainly don't want to ban smoking, that might make my job obsolete!" WHAT!?!? Have I been running around bouncing on a cloud all this time thinking that people in the health care field actually want to HELP people and PREVENT disease?

Smoke up, folks! Mmmmm...isn't that goooood? Have another? Here's my card.

WTF? Of course, having lost my own mother to lung cancer may charge up the topic *just a smidge* for me, but STILL!

I know this isn't the way all health care professionals think. I've run across quite a few doctors that CLEARLY keep the needs and comfort of their patients top of mind, but earning an MD or a nursing degree by NO MEANS makes you a humanitarian.

While I was getting my first real physical in years, the new Internal Med doc I'd chosen commented that my ENT was a "good doctor". I later told her I was shopping around for a new one because he had the bedside manner of a rotting fish. Somewhere in there I dropped the word "asshole". And this is why I know I made the right choice for my new doctor. She said "I'm pretty sure that being an asshole is a prerequisite to be an ENT." *tear* I love her!

2006-04-17T19:19:00.000-07:00

She's ALIVE!

Sorry, folks. I wandered off and got lost. My mom always SAID that would happen if I didn't pay attention. MAN don't you hate it when they're right!

Well, I survived my company's national sales meeting in one piece. My husband flew in to join me (but it was mostly for the choice golf). I had a lovely massage in a cabana by the pool and we had dinner at an AMAZING restaurant. So all in all, I'd say it was a success.

The baby had his tongue surgery last Friday. He was literally tongue-tied. Poor little dude couldn't even get it past his lower lip. He still hasn't tried to stick it out yet (not for my lack of trying) so for now I'll have to take the doc's word for it that they did ANYTHING.

I cannot begin to tell you how THRILLED I am that spring is here. I am SO obviously connected to the seasons on some kind of deeper level. It's weird. Anyway...

Well, I wish I had something more exciting to report, but alas, I do not.

My daughter's 6th birthday is this Friday. My husband and I are taking her to a Japanese Steak House on Friday and her party is on Sunday. So my weekend will be filled with dizzying birthday fun. Aren't you jealous?

2006-04-03T07:50:00.000-07:00

For Your Reading Pleasure...

Here it is, folks...the award winning entry for the Young Author's contest (Kindergarten).

There Was a Woman Who Swallowed a Fly

There was an old woman who swallowed a fly.
Then she swallowed a dog.
Then she swallowed a cow. Moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo.
Then she laid down.
Then she swallowed a bird. Then feathers popped out. Then she had wings.
Then she swallowed a duck.
Then she swallowed a fish. Then she grew fins and a tail, too.
Then she swallowed a tiger.
Then she swallowed an elephant. Then water came out of her nose.
Then she swallowed a balloon. Then her head turned into a balloon. She flew away.

Obviously not a totally original concept, but I enjoyed her twist on a classic! There were winners from schools all over the district. If I may, let me share with you another winning Kindergarten entry, just to give some perspective.

I love my mom.
My mom has brown hair.
My mom's favorite color is pink.
My mom has blue eyes.

Mmmmkay. That's all I'm sayin'.

We took my daughter out to a Japanese restaurant after the awards ceremony. She thinks it's so cool they cook your food right in front of you! At dinner, we heaped on the praise for winning an academic award. Maybe a little too much. At home, I told her we needed to get ready for bed, to which she replied "Young authors get to stay up late". Yeah. Not so much. THEN I asked her to grab her clothes on the way up the stairs. I wish I were kidding when I tell you this was her response: "You get 'em. I'm a Young Author." Needless to say she took her own clothes up. And note to self: scale back the praise slightly lest you give your child a ginormous head the likes of which have never been seen before!

2006-03-29T19:42:00.000-08:00

So What If I Did?

I was on my way to my gym the other evening to meet my girlfriend for an aerobics class. To get to my gym, you have to maneuver your way through a busy parking lot. Often, cars will begin backing up into the thoroughfare without looking. This happens all the time and if I'm right behind them, I'll give a little warning beep on the horn (no...I do NOT blare it!). SO, anyway, this was the case the other night. Car starts backing up as I was coming through and I gave a bitty beep and was on my merry way. Happens all the time and I never think twice about it. My friend was parked in a far corner of the lot where there were no other cars. I pull in right across from her and gather my things. Just as she is coming over to greet me, some chick pulls up in the spot right next to me. At the time, it did seem a little odd as there were a bazillion spots all around us. Hmmm. Whatever. My friend and I start talking and proceed inside.

Class is getting ready to start, but friend headed into the locker room to change her shoes, so I followed. As we're talking, a girl comes up to me and says "Did you honk at me in the parking lot?". I said "Um...I don't think so." I honestly didn't think I had. At first, her tone made me think someone did the 'ol honk and wave thing. My friend says "Well she is a huge bitch, though, so I wouldn't put anything past her. What kind of car was it?" The girls starts saying something about a gold car (mine is red) so I walk off to the bathroom. As I round the corner, I realize she's describing HER car and then hear her say something about a red car. Oh, yeah! Some dipshit WAS pulling out into traffic. Then I remembered. By the time I was done in the bathroom, she was nowhere to be seen. I said to my friend "WTF was that all about?" She shrugged.

So, I guess I'm just confused about what the point was. She passive-aggressively parks right next to me in the lot and doesn't say anything, then accosts me in the locker room. Why? Are there people out there burning that badly for some type of confrontation? She really would've been barking up the wrong tree that night, because I don't put up with that kind of crap, and the girlfriend I was with is THE friend you'd want to get your back, if ya catch my drift.

That was the end of it, but isn't that weird? I manage to go about my life remarkably confrontation free so it just struck me as odd. Watch out for the crazy bitch in the gold car! You might be next...

2006-03-23T18:37:00.000-08:00

Spring Break DUDE!

My daughter's is this week. It is excrutiatingly boring for her...and me! It might be better if she hadn't kicked it off with a Monday morning trip to the ER. Her eye was COMPLETELY swollen shut when she woke up. For some reason, they diagnosed her with pink eye (damn you, Scott Baio!) , but gave her an oral antibiotic to avoid having it "turn into" periorbital cellulitis. OK, thank you again, Internet. She TOTALLY had cellulitis...not at all conjunctivitis. No ifs, ands or buts about it. She can see now, but it still looks like we beat her. Doh!

After she was feeling better we would've gone running about town eating unhealthy food and spending money BUT since her baby brother decided to contract his THIRD bout of pneumonia in six months, we stayed home with him instead. Mmmmmm, snot snorking. That's my family's new past time. Sad, huh?

On a positive note, I had my annual review with my manager this morning. To read my review, you'd expect to see an "Employee of the Year" plaque hanging behind me right now in my office (right next to my "Mother of the Year" award!). So...I look good on paper anyway. Unfortunately, unless you're in the top 5% of the company, your "merit" raise is jack squat. Ewwww! 3%! How EVER will I spend it all? Sigh, again. Get me off this crazy thing!

2006-03-17T07:54:00.000-08:00

Mommy Drinks Because You Cry, Part Deux

OK...mommy really DOES drink because you cry! There! I said it! The bunny-head is no longer a bunny head. He is now Satan-spawn. We went to the doc this morning HOPING he had an ear infection. "That's crazy!", you say. Why would I hope for such a thing? Because it might help explain the evil creature that has replaced my child. He is either crying, whining, fussing, bitching or moaning 96.8% of the time he is awake. Seriously...it's getting on my last nerve. He could be teething, but Tylenol does nothing so WHO KNOWS!?!?! Someone...just please make it stop. Clean bill of health, by the way. And YES, I know that's a GOOD THING. Is there enough green beer to make it go away? We'll see.... OH! And Happy St. Patrick's Day! Thank God for baby sitters. Oops! Gotta run. Mother of the Year committee is calling....

2006-03-14T10:22:00.000-08:00

Mean Girls
When I was in school, I wasn't the cutest, most popular girl by a long shot. There were a couple of scary, tough girls who verbally picked on me. One fine day, when I was a sophomore (I think) I magically found the nerve to stand up to one of them. She looked like she was going to crap her pants and I never heard nary a peep from her or her WT friend again. Exhale. I have since learned not to take crap from anyone. Yippee!

The other day my daughter INSISTED that I let her eat breakfast before she brushed her teeth (OK, no problem with that line of thinking...) because Carly, the girl who sits in front of her on the bus, says she has yellow teeth and then acts like she's going to hit her. Oy. What ta do, what ta do. OK...here we go. I remember the school "food chain" all too well. What I now realize is that I can have some modicum of influence over where my daughter falls in the hierarchy. My mind picked over various responses to what my daughter had just said. I didn't want to give her ammo to RE-bully, but I don't want her to be bulldozed my this snot-nosed brat, either. Our strategy for now is to look the offender straight in the eye, point at her and say "You don't want to mess with me. Trust me".

I don't think she's employed the strategy yet, but we'll see how it goes. If that doesn't work, I'll be sending the bus driver a note. They have assigned seating.

I KNOW there are parents out there that either encourage their kids to bully, or don't intervene if they are aware of it. It's a sticky situation. I totally understand wanting your kid to be an Alpha, but not in a bad way, or at the expense of an underdog. The messages I give her now can really set the stage for years to come. I welcome any input to this quandary. This is my first Bar-B-Que, so if you have any ideas, I'll take 'em!

Random: I went and got my oil changed at Jiffy Lube this morning right after I popped into Starbucks. I bought 4 cans of DoubleShot Espresso and had them in my passenger seat. When I got home, I had 3 cans of DoubleShot Espresso in my passenger seat. Under the seat? Nope. Backseat? Nada. Jiffy Lube stole coffee from me. Awesome.

2006-03-08T10:43:00.000-08:00

Mommy Drinks Because You Cry

No...that's not REALLY why I drink! This was priceless. One of my counterparts called me the other day and said "I think this job is turning me into an alcoholic." To which my reply was "Me too!" Then we had a good giggle over the larger-than-usual quantities and types of adult beverages we'd been partaking in lately. OK...honestly there is no fear at all I am an alcoholic, so don't get your panties in a bunch.

Our company has been throwing us loads of loops lately and we've JUST ABOUT HAD IT! Just about...

I think my recent increase is catching up for lost time. During my THREE recent illnesses, I didn't drink anything at all. Drinking while sick is a waste of a good cocktail. So now that I feel better, it's like "WheeeeeHeee!"

Now if my liver can make it through St. Patty's Day I'll be golden.

I had my first full physical in about 15 or 20 years today. The blood work won't be back for awhile, but it doesn't look like I'll be keeling over anytime too soon. Yeah for living! Now if I can only STAY well, I'll be as giddy as a school girl. And BOY are they giddy. OK...I can't resist. One quick darling daughter quote. While she was sampling some different flavors of jelly beans the other day, she says (totally serious) "These orange jelly beans are off the hook!" I'm sorry...come again? Damn you to hell Nickelodean!

2006-02-28T10:39:00.000-08:00

A New Chapter

2006 has been a weird year for me. I've blogged about some of the reasons. I'll stay mum on others and still OTHER reasons I don't even understand myself. Is 35 a magic age where you can no longer deny that you ARE truly an adult and there's no going back? I know this is a big "duh", but the older I get, the more bad stuff happens to people around me or to people I care about. I'm rapidly running out of relatives. I have two "good" ones left. My other blood relatives are either black sheep, crazy or deceased. I've lost my last two remaining grandparents in the last six months. I have friends or acquaintances who are rapidly losing parents or grandparents. I know it's inevitable and part of the "circle of life", but it's a hard reality to face. I guess it's best not to dwell on it too much since that "problem" is not ever going to be going away.

Another aspect in my introspective line of thinking is my own husband and family. I am more than ever aware that my husband and I are soley responsible for making this household our very own, self sustaining family unit without the benefit of anyone else to help us form that mold from this point on. This didn't just strike me today or anything. Ever since my daughter was born, I've tried to make holidays and vacations special events that she will remember forever. But just very recently, it's become more real to me the power that I wield in the lives of my family and that no one else in the world can do what I must do. Heavy, huh? Yipes. I almost sound like a grown-up, don't I? I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I guess my thinking has just shifted from being a "part" of a family, to being the foundation of a family. I'm steering the ship, now. Ahoy, Captain! Rough waters ahead!

The baby is one year old today. It seems like just yesterday I was whining about my pregnancy woes. Walking and talking is just around the corner for the little bunny-head. The new chapter of my life is and will be both exciting and scary.

Well, as Joe Dirt would say..."Life's a garden. Dig it." What more can I add to that?

2006-02-23T09:12:00.000-08:00

More Bitching...

I'll just apologize now. This is not a sunny, upbeat post. I am not happy. I am NOT a hypochondriac. I AM SICK AGAIN! Yeah...I know! This time, it's like the first day of a really bad cold that lasts over a week. Kill me. I went to my ENT so he could make me hate him some more. Check. Getting CAT scan next week. I am finally getting off my dead ass to find a good Internal Med doc, though. I need a GP so I can quit these annoying specialists who refuse to look ANYWHERE beyond their area of "expertise". I got a personal referral, so let's hope I got a good one.

Also, my company made us all send our laptops in to corporate. Why? So they could ravage them and send them back, apparently. They changed everything and now I cannot even get online. They sent us reams of paper "explaining" the new systems they installed. It's like reading hieroglyphics. Hey, I know! Maybe I should jump on the web-cast/conference call explaining the new programs! Oh, wait. That call was yesterday and they just sent my computer back today. Fume..fume...fume. In general, I am REALLY annoyed. Thanks for letting me vent, O forgiving Internet.

2006-02-16T17:50:00.000-08:00

Small Talk

More amusing dinner conversation compliments of my daughter...

(Eating chicken strip) D: Hey what kind of animal is this again?

Me: It's chicken.

D: MAN! Chickens are AWESOME!

Me: Glad you like it.

D: So...what chicken is this? A mama chicken or a baby chicken?

Me: Ummmm, neither. It's nobody's mom. It's just a chicken for eating (gulp).

She then merrily munched away completely unconcerned by her own thought that her dinner may have had a face. I'm guessing she won't be joining PETA anytime soon.

2006-02-12T09:43:00.000-08:00

I've Been Tagged!

By Average Jane. So here it is:

What were you doing 10 years ago?

Working in sales at a radio station, a little slice of hell on earth. What a vile, poison job. Also, I was single then. That was right around the time I was dating five or six people at a time. Man, was THAT a scheduling nightmare. Not as much fun as it sounds....trust me.

What were you doing 1 year ago?

Preparing to walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death to give life to my second and final child. His b-day is in two weeks! By the way...when my sister and I were kids my mom would say that to us on our birthdays. "It was (insert number) years ago today that I walked through the Valley of the Shadow of Death to bring you life." Birthday fun with a little side of guilt...and we're not even Catholic! Why not continue the tradition in her memory?!

Five snacks you enjoy:

- Fruit (yes, really!)
- Ice Cream!!!
- Anything chocolate
- Hummus and Pita...with olive oil.
- Microwave popcorn

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:

I'm too lazy to think about this one (see: bad habits below). There are a lot. I can be a little Rain Man about song lyrics.

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire :

Are we talking multi-mil lottery?
- Hire the best nanny money could buy.
- Take all my friends on a fabulous vacation.
- Buy another house someplace warm.
- Buy my husband a giant Cobalt boat.
- Make a huge donation to a no-kill shelter.

Five bad habits:

These are more "qualities" than habits. I don't have any bad habits. (OK...lemme have it!)
-Procrastination
- Laziness
- Procrastination, wait...did I say that?
- Is forgetfulness a bad habit? I don't THINK I can help it.
- Extreme disorganization

Five things you like doing:

-Sleeping
- Movies!
- Being outdoors when it's warm
- Traveling
- Reading

Five things you would never wear again:

- My giant, AquaNet shellacked, mall bangs
- Lace-up boots (with color coordinated socks!)
- High-waisted, skinny-ankled pants
- Pleated pants
- Neon colors

Five favorite toys:

-Tivo!
- Laptop
- My kiddies
- Geeez. That's all I got. Man am I lame? I need more hobbies.

I'm much too stupid to understand the rules of tagging...plus I have NO friends (who haven't already been tagged) that blog. Sooooooo. My meme ends with me. Tah-dah!

2006-02-06T14:20:00.000-08:00

Eat Your Heart Out, Billy Shakespeare!

My daughter came home from school today yelling "I'm a Young Author! I'm a Young Author!"

She pulled out of her backpack a notice that she had been selected as an "Author of Merit" within the school district and there is to be an evening program complete with an autograph session by author Marsha Diane Arnold, awards presentation and a reception. Wow! I didn't even know she was in the running! I'm not too sure she did either, because when I asked her what story she got the award for, she had no idea. I'm guessing her teacher just submitted one of the many journals they are required to write and illustrate. All of the winner's pieces will be published in a Young Author's book. Sooo...my five year old is getting published. Her late grandmother would be quite proud.

Ohhhh...am I bragging? Sorry...I guess I can offset the bragging by mentioning that she lost cartoons for a whole week after lying to me, dead in the eye, about cutting her own fingernails. I didn't care that she cut them, but when asked, just decided that a bald-faced lie was the way to go. Awesome. But I'm still soooooo proud of her....stubby bleeding nails and all!

2006-01-30T11:57:00.000-08:00

Old Soul

Having a baby checked into the hospital for seven days (or less....or more...or at all) chips countless years off of your soul. You can NEVER imagine what it does to you until it happens. And I would NEVER wish that experience on anyone. Last week was the second worst week of my entire life. I'm still sick as hell myself, but my little bunny-head is feeling much better. Grandma is in town taking care of him this week so he can fully convalesce before going back to daycare.

Since I've been battling my own illness it has created another bizarre, unexpected problem. I'm not much an outwardly emotional person, but over the past week, I've lost more than a few tears. The problem? I really, really want to have a cleansing, cathartic bawl fest, but I keep stopping myself. Why? Because I'm so congested, I'm afraid if I give in, I won't be able to breathe for hours afterwards. So now if I can only kick this damn sinus infection!

That's it for now. I'm very weary.

2006-01-22T20:57:00.000-08:00

Stress Eating!

Hey! Guess what! I'm a classic stress eater. I have no appetite one minute, and the next I've had 1/2 a carton of Light Rocky Road. And six cookies! And 1/2 bottle of Pinot Noir! And a Klonopin! I'll run this down from worst to bad. Worst being that the baby is now staying his third night at a Children's Hospital for RSV and brochiolitis. Just got a nice fresh IV this evening. The nurse jacked up his I.V/blood draw so bad the Nurse Practitioner came in to make sure we were "ok". We didn't throw the chick under the bus. Major props to my best friend for having my daughter all day Saturday and my sister for having her all day today. HUGE help. My brain is even more fried than usual. My husband says we'd make a great VH1 show "The Worst Week Ever". That pretty much covers it.

My illness progressed into my ENT's office Monday AM. I got lucky enough to have a Myringotomy. They slice your eardrum open and suck the crap out. Robot doc says it's a "3" on scale of 1-10. Or a "9". Whatever. Asshole. Still can't hear a damn thing. Our major financial investment we've been working on is circling the drain. Not forever, but shit went all to hell this week.

Life sucks right now. The best part of the day (no, really) was when my husband called from the hospital so I could hear the baby coo and chat (and yak mucus) over the phone. He's been a limp, lifeless rag doll all day, so now I'm off to bed feeling a little better than when I left our quarantined room a few hours ago. Good night.

2006-01-14T15:04:00.000-08:00

If You Give a Cat a Pill...

You will save yourself from being sprayed down BID with the liquid medicine you INSISTED the vet give you for ancient kitty's sinus infection (yes...the cat's got it too!). I called up, ate crow and picked up the tablets. Day two and he's getting better already.

2006-01-14T09:52:00.000-08:00

Snork Part Deux

After waking up at 3:30 a.m. with the most unbelievable searing pain in my left ear, I rolled out of bed, took an Aleve and went online. I needed medical attention. Stat. I found a walk-in clinic nearby that opened at 9 a.m. Saturdays. Score! I managed to get back to sleep for a couple hours. When I finally made my way downstairs this morning, my husband was quick to point out my daughter's lovely rose-colored eyeball. "Well, I guess I'll have company at the clinic then!".

The best part of the whole deal was that there was actually no wait, and they accepted my insurance! Classic pink-eye for the girl and severe, over-the-top ear infection for me! The PA actually said "Wow!" when she peered into my left ear. "It's almost bleeding. That may burst." Awesome. Armed with my scripts for eye drops ("But I don't WANT any eye drops!"), a Z-pack and a Diflucan, I was on my merry way.

So let's break it down: We have one sinus infection, one ear infection, two cases of pink eye (and a partridge in a pear tree). Anybody wanna come over to MY house? Yeah....I didn't think so.

2006-01-12T10:22:00.000-08:00

Snork

Who HASN'T been sick lately? I knew my luck would run out before long. My daughter had a cough that lasted over 3 weeks, the baby has been intermittently snotty and I finally made my husband go to the doc last week for his obvious sinus infection. Today, my husband had to take the baby to the doctor for his pink-eye while I languished in bed from MY brand-spanking new cold. What's the deal? It's almost like a mini-flu or just a really ugly cold. Not that stuffed up, but lot o' post-nasal drip and just...ICK. I FEEL like crap. Very general. Weird.

OK, enough self pity for today. My advice for all? Wash, wash, wash your hands. But above all....stop licking doorknobs immediately.

2006-01-08T13:27:00.000-08:00

We love BOOTY!

One of my quiet-baby tricks, especially prior to mealtimes, is to give the baby some finger foods. First, I got him little flower-shaped baby snacks. A winner! Then, I realized for a buck more I could buy an entire box of Cheerios and have four times more goodies! He also liked the Cheerios. Then I remembered an article my sister had sent me about Veggie Booty. I had forgotten until today so I checked the health food aisle and SCORE! The kid LOVES the stuff. I gingerly tried a chunk myself. First bite's a little too kale/parsley strong, but subsequent bites were actually pretty good. When my daughter strolled into the kitchen I offered to let her in on our snacking. The face she made when I offered her a pond-scum colored puff called Veggie Booty was priceless. Needless to say, she took a pass.

The baby has been vacillating between lovely, happy dream baby and giant, hairy crabass. When he had his head thrown back in a fit a couple days ago, I saw a possible culprit: two teeth coming in at the same time. Yipppeee. I have high hopes for, oh..say, 18 months. Not yet having a full command on the communication thing, but by that time he'll have more teeth and be able to walk. WhatEVER shall I do with myself then?

2006-01-02T17:30:00.000-08:00

Inappropriate!

I remember seeing a picture of Average Jane once, wearing a shirt that read Inappropriate! When I think back to the following story, for some reason that shirt keeps popping to mind. Hmmmm. I can't imagine why...

So rather than our full-blown Christmas Party this year, we opted instead for a smaller New Year's Eve party. I made it a casual affair and asked people to bring a snack or appetizer if they'd like. Remember that whole "trimming the fat" thing, right? Anyhow, the party went off without a hitch. Everyone had a good time and we were slinging drinks behind our basement bar like crazy. The Bomb Pop martini was the clear winner of the night, and the Key Lime Pie martini was good, too. We had Bellinis at midnight to ring in 2006. Our very last guests to leave were my husband's co-worker and his wife. I've met the co-worker on four or five occasions. I've heard some interesting tidbits about what this couple does in their "leisure" time. Let's just say it involves other people and requires a remarkable lack of jealously.

Throughout the evening, I would occasionally catch co-worker staring at me. I'd give a quick smile and look elsewhere. Some people just do that. In fact, I think I may even be a starer on occasion without even realizing it until later. It happens. ANYWAY....we're wrapping it up for the night (morning) and we're doing the standard goodbyes, when co-worker gives me the "thanks for inviting us" hug and says something completely inappropriate into my ear. When I threw him a bewildered look, he mumbled something like "....just kidding". WHAT?!?! I have honestly never in my life had anything like that happen to me, so I'll admit I was at a loss.

When my husband and I were getting ready to turn in I said "So do you think that co-worker was drunk?" "Nah...he'd had a bit but I think he's OK to get home." To which I replied "Well that makes his parting comment to me even more strange." I tell my husband and say "Seriously, don't say anything, though. It's no big deal." My husband actually did shrug it off saying "Well, that's just because they're swingers." Hmm. OK. But I'M not! I really didn't want to start any shit, but somehow it would have felt very wrong NOT to tell him. I'm sure he's already forgotten about it, but for some reason I keep coming back to it. I am SO not easily offended, but this was somehow different. It's alot of nerve to come to another man's house, eat his food, drink his liquor and then make a pass at his wife, don't ya think? Normally I'd be flattered if it was more of an open, general flirtation, but this one went too far. Creepy.

Perhaps I should leave this whole party-throwing thing to other people from now on. Mmm..nah! We do have alot of fun. Next year, though, I think co-worker's invitation just might accidentally get lost in the mail. Damn that postman!

2005-12-26T11:32:00.000-08:00

Holiday Madness and Christmas Poo!

It's been a whirlwind of Christmas fun...and LOTS of hard work. And now, it's over.

It started with my in-laws coming into town. Guests in the house! I basically threw a rotisserie chicken at them and said "have at it!". Why? Because all of the real cooking lay ahead! First we had a giant fondue feast on Christmas Eve. As easy as fondue sounds, it took a LOT of prep work. We had our in-laws, one neighbor, two cousins (and a partridge in a pear tree) over for dinner. Eight people total. When we were kids, we had hot oil fondue at my grandparents house for special occasions. I always remember that it was great fun. We got a fondue pot last year and my daughter thinks it's great fun, too. My husband ran to Bed Beth and Beyond at the last minute and got us another pot for the party. We had chicken, shrimp, filet, steamed cauliflower, broccoli, mushrooms and hushpuppies. Plus loads of different dipping sauces and tempura batter for the veggies and shrimp. I also provided salad and bread which mostly got overlooked.

Everyone had a great time! If it worked out well, I figured that this might be the first year of a new tradition for us. It looks like a winner! I did spend the entire day preparing everything ahead of time so when dinner time rolled around, I could just sit down and relax. Ha, ha, ha. I'm so silly!

Breakfast for Christmas morning was a breakfast casserole (also prepared the previous day), Sara Lee Pecan Coffee Cake, crescent rolls and fresh orange slices. I thought it was great but the reception for it seemed lukewarm. Whatever.

Then my sister came over early. I crammed her full of breakfast and then we hit the kitchen. She brought with her a Honey Baked Ham and a turkey which she set to work prepping and cooking. She also brought homemade dinner rolls. To that we added mashed potatoes, steamed broccoli and corn casserole. Oh! And sugar....LOTS and LOTS of sugar! Must....stop....eating....sweets! Ahhhhhhhh!

Santa was very good to everyone this year. My daughter hasn't even begun to waver on the whole Santa thing yet. Yeah! My son showed his Christmas spirit a day late. When I went to change a stinky diaper this morning, something shiny caught my eye. In the diaper. I have no idea what it was, but it was about the size of pea, flat, red and shiny. Some type of wrapping paper, no doubt. That kid was jonesing to jam paper into his mouth, and this morning I saw that at least ONE of my attempts to fish random items out of his mouth had failed. Oh well.

Happy holidays, everyone!

2005-12-11T11:22:00.000-08:00

Wake Me When It's Over....

My husband and I saw Syriana last night. That was and hour and 45 minutes of my life I will NEVER get back. It's a two hour movie. We left. This is the first movie I've walked out of in 20 years. (I think Better Off Dead was the last. And I like that one now!). PLEASE take my advice and take a PASS! You'd thank me later.

2005-12-06T10:33:00.000-08:00

Trimming the Fat

Here's a little confession: I don't live by any kind of budget. At all. Until now. Yikes! When you really sit down and put things on paper it blows your mind what you've been spending and what things are costing you month to month. My husband and I have our eye on making a sizable investment in the near future so we're trying to see where we stand, money-wise. It means we will have to cut out extras for a lonnnnng time. We're nixing the fax-only phone line. We're trimming back our satellite service (but I REFUSE to give up my DVR!), and my husband actually brought up SELLING HIS BOAT. Wow. If I had been the one to suggest it, I probably would've caught hell, so imagine my surprise when HE brought it up.

Eventually we may be able to do part-time day care for the baby (which is STILL 6 hours a day) and that would save us a bundle. The hardest part will be to grocery shop on a budget. I like going to the store and getting pretty much whatever I want. I just need to be trained. We also contacted our utility companies to find out about paying a monthly average on our bills. Gas and electric will let us do this.

We also refinanced our house for 30 years, which is really like a knife in the gut since we were pacing into a 15 year note before. I really wanted to have the house paid off before the kids head to college. The real kicker is that our damn payment will be about the same as it is now! Why? We wrapped our annual taxes, insurance and a small home-equity line of credit into the new loan. Ultimately, we'll save about $300 bucks a month with the re-fi. Sigh.

It's a bit stressful to comb over all this stuff, but you know what they say: You can't make money without risking money. Is it just me, or do you ever get tired of being all grown up and shit? There are days when I feel like I'm 10 years old again, but have to deal with real adult responsibilities. Right about now that Algebra homework ain't lookin' so bad!

2005-12-05T18:23:00.000-08:00

Who needs toilet paper?

When you can use $20 bills instead! That's how I feel about the co-pays I've been paying at the pediatrician lately. When my daughter and I had food poisoning, I took her to the doctor before her actual ailment was apparent. She was in quite a bit of distress so it seemed like the right thing to do. The physician's assistant took one look at her and basically shrugged. "Give her an enema". Well THANK GOD I didn't do that since we both ended up with raging diarrhea whilst vomiting.

So today I took her to the doctor since she has had a hoarse cough for over a week. The cough medicine SPECIFICALLY SAYS "If cough persists more than 7 days, see your doctor, as this can indicate a serious illness". OK. Today is day 8. The doctor looks in her ears, her nose, her throat and listens to her breathing. "Well, everything looks great". WHAT? I mean, I don't WANT there to be anything wrong with her, but I'd like to treat this horrible cough SOMEHOW? So we get some random samples of allergy meds and nasal spray. If that doesn't work, I am to call the doctor back in 8 more days. Ohhhhhkay. "Hey, while we're here can we get her a flu shot since they're available now?" Nope. Not during "urgent care" hours. That'll be ANOTHER $20 to come back ANOTHER time. Geez. What a flippin' racquet! God forbid they could accommodate busy working parents. If I didn't really like my usual doc, I'd break up with them like I dumped my vet.

So that's my rant du jour.

2005-11-28T12:29:00.000-08:00

Who Let the Dogs Out?

Back from a lovely five-hour jaunt to the in-laws for the holidays! Ahhh..what a refreshing break! Awww, jeez...who am I kidding? Five hours in the car with a baby? We did invest in a nifty new DVD player for the trip. It has two screens that mount to the back of the headrests and it plays two DIFFERENT things! Baby Einstein on one, and...whatever on the other! I almost forgot my daughter was even in the car. We got maybe 2-3 hours of actual "use" out of the baby's DVD player. The rest of his time was spent either a) sleeping (my fave!) b) grizzling or c) peeling the paint off with his screams. Ahhhh. Family vacations! My sister and I remember rattling around the back of the station wagon lying atop an old crib mattress (that we also used to sled down our long stairs). Seatbelts? Nah..those were only for the FRONT seats. A/C? Only for the rich folks. How times change. We also brought our little dog, who spent the entire 10-hour round trip drive trying to devise a way to make it from his position on the back floorboard into my lap in the front seat. And his breath stinks. Really badly.

We left the two big dogs and the ancient cat in the hands of our pet sitter. She comes twice a day to love on everybody and then leaves a little note summing up each visit. My favorite comment from this trip was "When I came in today, I noticed the dogs had a wrench and a screwdriver out on the floor. I have no idea what they were trying to fix".

2005-11-22T08:54:00.000-08:00

Does this tie make me look fat? No, but your face does.

Sorry...another kid post but I HAD to. Plus, I'm super-short on time so I'll be brief.

My daughter puts her winter coat on this morning and says "Does this coat make me look fat?" Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! WHAT!?! All of my efforts to not say "fat" when talking about people...all of my "healthy" body messages just flew right out the freakin' window. SHE'S FIVE!?!? Oh, man, oh man, oh man.

2005-11-15T17:46:00.000-08:00

Dinner Conversation:

Daughter: "Did you see this picture I made at school? It's Pokemon. I made it for my brother since he's a boy!"

Me: "Nice! How do you know he's a boy?"

D: "Um, hello...BROTHER!?! BOY?!? You're being silly".

Me: "What makes him a boy?"

D: "Um...God?"

Husband: "Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!"

2005-11-13T19:21:00.000-08:00

22 Pounds of Hot, Fresh Crab!

Or perhaps better known as My Giant Baby. What is this kid's DEAL anyway? My husband had (got?) to work all weekend so I did the single mom thing. Sigh. Teething? Personality? Growing pains? Vendetta? WHY is this kid crabby unless he is physically sleeping or eating? I think part of it is his burgeoning mobility. He is just right there.... ready to crawl. Maybe it's just constant frustration. He can move from point A to point B by flopping around like a retarded sea lion (that wasn't PC was it?). BUT he has yet to master it. The result? CONSTANT bitching. Yah, yah...I know. There are MUCH WORSE problems, but I am NOT having a nice weekend so I, too, am crabby. I do fake it for the kiddies. Does that count?

Ewww, ewww...on an UP note, I did get a chance to take my daughter to see Chicken Little this afternoon after my husband got home. Ok...CGI is really cool and all, but CGI in 3-D is freakin' awesome!!! If you can see it in 3-D DO NOT pass up the chance. Just amazing! And the story was pretty cute too. Oh, lookie there...I guess the weekend wasn't ALL bad. So maybe the glass is half full.

2005-11-11T10:55:00.000-08:00

Oh WHERE do I begin?

I'm STILL writing from Panera (not continuously...I've since gone home and come back). Hopefully my brother-in-law, the magical computer whiz, can put things right later this evening. Grrrr.

The MOST fun part of my week was when my daughter and I simultaneously came down with some kind a gastrointestinal cootie. We were racing each other to the toilet. Both of us eventually ended up in my bed, clutching our barf cups. Here's the kicker: I get stuff like this ALL THE TIME! I've been to the hospital at least 3x for similar ailments. In my fevered, sleepless, barf and diarrhea filled state, I actually imagined myself driving to the ER at about 1:30 in the morning. Who ELSE was gonna do it? Just the THOUGHT of having an I.V., some anti-nausea meds and perhaps a tiny morphine drip made me feel better. Worked like a charm last time. I finally managed to drift off for a moment or two...stopped barfing and snapped out of it. I had to sleep the entire next day, but I'm right as rain now!

I helped chaperone my daughter's school field trip today. I'm guessing she'll be passing Kindergarten A-OK. Her teacher went out and got her hair cut just like my daughter's. You don't model your hairstyle after a kid you HATE, now do you? She has a wedge cut that's kind of stacked in the back. It's boy-short above her neck, but angled downwards towards the front with little fringy bangs. People stop us in public with compliments all the time. However, my daughter has it ingrained in her brain that when she turns 10 ( a number I pulled out of my ass) she can grow her hair long like "princess hair". Whatever.

I also told a huge, fat lie today. I try not to do that too often, but it was one of those deals where the truth would NOT set you free. I didn't have much time to dream up a solution (there really wasn't one) so I lied. Granted, I KNOW these things often come back to bite you HARD, but at the time it really did save my butt, with no apparent harm done. I suck. Karma's gotta be crouched right around the corner. Speaking of karma...this week's "My Name is Earl" made me laugh so hard I cried. The scene with the burning golf clubs? OMG hilarious! I can't remember the last time a regular prime time show made me laugh that hard. Tivo it at once if you've been missing it!

ANYWAY.... I am off to get some legitimate work done before the end of the day. No...really. Stop looking at me like that! Geeeeez!

2005-11-05T14:36:00.000-08:00

*twitch* Can't...get...online!...*twitch*

LIVE from Panera bread! It only took me a week to figure out that I can go to Panera and get online! Duh. My DSL is all screwed up (I think the service guy is at my house now). It connects for maybe 30 minutes before it drops and you have to reboot EVERYTHING to get it to connect again. PLUS my dial-up account on my laptop is screwed up so I can't even plug in my phone line to get online. Argh. So as a result I am behind on my work, my bills and most importantly...my surfing.

My sister and I were bored last night so she came over. We drank (I had mango martinis), watched movies (Joe Dirt...a classic and So I Married An Axe Murderer) and played Mental Floss. Neither of us had played before and it was FUN! I managed to beat my sister 2/3 which I get to brag about, because she ALWAYS dog-stomps me in trivia-related matters. Hah-ha! I WON. Ok...I'll stop now. Anyway. It was fun.

That's all I've got right now. I had another topic to cover, but not only can I not remember what it was, but I don't really have time right now.

Next topic: short-term memory loss...normal or completely retarded?

...drool...

2005-10-26T18:20:00.000-07:00

Germs and Teachers...

Sorry if the following isn't very interesting. I have a bad cold and I am XXXXtra tired! My husband has a cold. The baby has (another) cold. I'm sure my daughter will land one before long. On an UP note, I managed to get a flu shot today WITHOUT EVEN TRYING! Remember last year? This time I was at the grocery store after 5 p.m. and there they were. Waiting, with needle in hand and NO LINE! Unfortunately, they said my daughter was too young so I couldn't get one for her, but at least I won't be passing it around to the kids.

We had our first parent/teacher conference today. As we suspected...she's a shining star. The only place we had less-than-perfect marks was under "social skills". The upshot is that she likes to "speak before she thinks" and she likes to "be the boss", sometimes even trying to overrule the teacher. Simple enough to overcome. I think. Unless she's just displaying her ADHD early. We'll see. We had a chat about it and I think we're all on the same page. She'll just need lots 'o reminders. "Stop and think...'Was that person asking ME for help? Is someone talking to ME?' If the answer is no, then you need to just sit quietly until called on". We'll see how it goes. Funny thing is that my sister reported being scolded for the exact same things at that age. Hmmm.

My school district offers only 1/2 day Kindergarten. After I mentioned that my daughter's only complaint was that school was SOOO much work, the teacher proceeded to say that "Sure it's hard work...we're cramming a whole day's worth of work into a 1/2 a day". Wow. Talk about trial by fire. I can't even imagine how much that must suck for kids that never even went to preschool. At least my daughter had the benefit of a classroom/learning environment prior to "real" school.

Anyhooo..off to bed. Nyquil, my friend, here I come!

2005-10-18T12:53:00.000-07:00

You know WHO?

That's just a little jab at the concierge at the Marriot in Santa Monica about his incessant name-dropping. The good news is that NEXT time I'm in town, he's going to hook us up to hang out with some MAJOR big name comedians! Because, why WOULDN'T guys like that wanna hang out with some random a-holes from the Midwest? It made me giggle.

The meeting was everything you'd expect. Leave it to Pharma to be predictable. What I DIDN'T predict is that they would force us to stay in our meeting the first full day until 6:15 PM!!! Oh...and SEE YA AT 7 FOR DINNER!

The low point of the trip was finding out, about 30 minutes after I arrived in California, that my baby had pneumonia! AND my company had somehow inexplicably dropped him from my health insurance when they ran an "update" the previous week. No stress. Really. Sigh.

I was geared up to turn around and come right back home, but the next day the baby was stabilizing and would not have to go to the hospital, so I stayed. I'm sure in the scheme of things it made my husband a better person.

Nothing exciting to report. Our two extra days in CA were VERY low-key. The meeting had sucked the life from both of us, so we basically ate dinner and went to bed both nights. Man are we L-A-M-E!!! Oh well. Glad to be back. I missed the kids. My daughter has been turning the "guilt trip" into an art form.

As a super special reward, my manager is riding with me AGAIN this week. No, it's not punishment. I actually got to come forward in front of the entire sales staff to accept an award for being number one in the country for one of my products. Ain't that spiffy? So much for my Grand Plan of staying in the middle and "under the radar".

2005-10-08T19:00:00.000-07:00

Off to See the Wizard...

Y'know...the face that's behind all of those serious corporate e-mails. We're having our annual company meeting next week. It's in Santa Monica. Which would matter if you EVER saw anything besides the four walls of a ballroom for three days straight. Hell, they'd save LOADS if they just had the damn thing at the Wichita Marriott.

BUT as I think I've mentioned before, one of my company buds and I are staying an extra two days. It seems foolish to waste free airfare to California! She has friends there, so hopefully we'll get carted around and shown the "good" places by some locals. We're staying at a nice hotel (which is going to cost a fortune) but since I haven't had a vacation this year, I figure I can splurge.

Have I ever mentioned that I'd rather have another hole added to my head than go shopping? Guess what I've been doing for the last two days? Garrrr. I have to dress "business casual" for four days. I managed to scrape together three pairs of slacks (the black ones will make two appearances) and four tops I think will work. I have no earthly idea what I'll be wearing during my "off" time since I failed to take casual-wear into consideration. Hmmmm.. I think I'd better go and try to secure a pair of capris tomorrow. I am grudgingly packing a swimsuit since I'd hate to really "need" one and not have it, but I am hoping beyond all hope no one has to see me in it.

Anyway, I'll be totally out of the loop until week after next. Wish me luck during my endless quizzes and 'role plays' (although I will admit I am really good at those...so many others HATE them!). Also, think of me night after night. I'll be the one at the huge dinners with free-flowing alcohol trying to gauge how much drinking I can get away with without a) making an ass out of myself, and b) not being wrecked the next day. Yeah, yeah...boo hoo, poor me...all that great food and free alcohol! But it really IS kinda hard! It seems inconceivable to 'not drink'. Because....there it is! But then one too many and you are SCREWED the next day. Nothing like listening to the driest doctor on earth drone on and on AND ON about disease states when you have a raging hang-over. Makes you wanna buy a bullet and rent a gun. Literally.

See ya next week!

2005-10-03T10:24:00.000-07:00

Ommmmmmmm

Regardless of the fact I've now taken a whole TWO yoga classes, I've been trying to make a conscious effort to do some relaxation and "getting in touch" exercises, such as taking a moment when I'm outside just to be still and take it in. Also, I have a tendency to get short of breath when I get stressed out, so I'm trying to do deep breathing as well. I guess the best way to say it is that I'm trying to "relax my mind". I find that I often get too engaged in whatever it is that I'm doing, and if I actively notice that, I can take it down a notch and achieve some relaxation. I've been on fabulous, tropical vacations in the past, and it did not escape my attention that no matter what, I could not fully relax. So I'm working on that. I'd like to 'be in the moment' more often.

I've had a gazillion people tell me I need to mediate, but I cannot do it on my own. My massage therapist recommended using a guide, such as a tape or CD, so I think I'll try that. Is it weird that I CANNOT empty my mind? It reminds me of the scene in Ghostbusters, when they were supposed to empty their minds, but then here comes the StayPuft Marshmallow Man. That would TOTALLY be me.

Quickie Updates:

As I suspected, Neighbor Dad knocked on my door bolstered by a little "liquid confidence" the other night, and was his usual ass-kissing self when my husband went to talk to him the next day. It's all good. Oh! And the guy actually started a new job today (apparently he landed that manager job he'd been holding out for!) so we'll see how long that lasts.

My Giant Baby is seven months old, but is wearing 12 mo. sizes already. He's not chubby...just extra-long. My husband isn't a tall guy, but there are some random "tall" genes in the family, so I'll cross my fingers for the little guy. And my favorite part about play time with the baby last night was when he head-butted me in the mouth SO HARD that I got a fat, bloody lip. He cried a little too, but compared to me, he got off easy!

Later this week I have to go and buy a four-day work wardrobe for a big meeting I have next week. Unfortunately, I didn't reach my goal by then, but I do feel good about my progress, so that's better than a sharp stick to the eye. Plus, I'll make a point to save my tags and receipts so I can return everything for a smaller size in the next couple of months. I did that after I had my daughter. "Opps! I didn't try this on when I bought it and now I need a different size!" The key, of course, is to make it appear as "unworn" as possible. Is that wrong?

2005-09-28T18:46:00.000-07:00

Nobody Likes A Bully

Or a nosy neighbor. Our neighbor across the street (the one without kids) calls our street Wisteria Lane because of all the drama and hooey that goes on. And so it continues.

The mom of the naked kids up the street informed me that her first grader and the first grader two houses up from us got in trouble with our school's principal for "bullying" another kid in the neighborhood. Apparently they had been teasing him and naked kid wrote a note that the two boys put in his mail box, saying something to the effect of "So-and-so is the f-w-o-r-d", etc. I found that amusing. Ewwwww! You called me "f-w-o-r-d"! Guess that's first-grade boys for ya.

So I mention to my husband that the boys got in trouble for bullying. "Really", he says, "maybe I'll say something to them". Here's the part where I share in the guilt: "Yeah...you oughta! They're scared of you anyway".

He takes our daughter up to the bus stop today and when he returns, he just says "Um, yeah. That didn't go like I planned". Awww, geez. "WHAT?!?" He went up to the kid and says "Hey, Johnnie...nobody likes a bully". The response? The kid bursts into tears. Oops. And again, with sitcom-like timing, the mom pulls up to the bus stop in her car. When my husband tried to explain what happened the mom says "Yeah...he's pretty sensitive about that".

My husband figured in the big picture it was no big deal. My take was that it was trouble brewing. MAN, sometimes it's hard being right all the time.

My husband is working late tonight. I'm hanging out with the kiddos when the door bell rings. Guess who?!? Crying kid and his dad, looking all huffy-puffy. Super. "Is your husband home?" "Nope...working late tonight." "Well, apparently he 'got up in Johnnie's face' at the bus stop this morning. His older brother confirmed that. I just want to know what the deal is. That didn't sound like something he'd do. Y'know the kids look up to him, so I was pretty surprised to hear that". Then he gave me some mumbling story about how his kid was absolved from guilt and was wrongly accused, blah, blah, blah. Sigh. I hemmed and hawed around, offering up my husband's work number. "Nah, I'll catch him tomorrow".

I rang my husband to give him the head's up. "Ok...I'll talk to him tomorrow. No problem." NO PROBLEM?!? Why is it that HE can remain so cool, but it made ME all stressed out? I'm not even directly involved here!

Moral of the story? Mind yer own damn business. I'll let ya know how it goes.

2005-09-26T19:03:00.000-07:00

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

This evening marks the second time in three days my daughter has been caught lying and been punished accordingly. Unfortunately, the appropriate punishment is harder on me than it is on her. She loses cartoons. All T.V. And then cries that it's "no fair" that dad and I get to watch "grown-up cartoons" and she doesn't. "Well, honey...we aren't liars, ya see?" It's times like these I realize what a crutch T.V. can be. The first time, we were at a birthday party for twin seven-year old Katrina survivors up the street. I look back to see my daughter by the (uncut) cake with her finger in her mouth. "Did you just lick that icing?" "No". I could've SWORN I saw the words "guilty" flash across her forehead. "Come here. Let me smell your finger" (insert your own joke here...) Even though I couldn't really smell anything, I just sniffed and gave her "the look". "OK...I did", she admitted. Sunday was a T.V.-free day. Argh! She drove me NUTTTTTTTTTTS!

Then tonight she wanted to touch the baby's mouth to see his new tooth. "No", I say, "your hands are filthy". This time instead of the standard denial lie, she actually makes up a story. "Nuh-uh! Dad gave me a wipe in the car and I cleaned my hands!" With sitcom-like timing he walks in the door. "Did you give her a wipe in the car to clean her hands?" He gives me a strange look. "Nope. No idea what you're talking about". Since we happened to be watching her favorite cartoon at the time, it seemed only appropriate to reach over, grab the remote and click the T.V. right off.

She doesn't seem to get (even though I've told her repeatedly) that she won't get into trouble if she tells the truth...only if she lies. Somehow the lies just seem easier I guess. Too bad for her she's a terrible liar. Is it wrong to be happy when Monday comes sometimes?

Random: I just read someplace that if you want to know how your breath smells (and we all know the hand-cupping huff doesn't work) lick the back of your hand, wait 10 seconds and sniff. It will have a smell, but it shouldn't be icky. Handy tip! It works! Also, I just did my first yoga class in 7 years last night. I did surprisingly well. The only thing I couldn't do was the push-up like hover. I had to keep it in full plank. I think I could've passed for a regular! Guess it's like riding a bike.

Update: The Botox doc at the Open House did, indeed, corner me and ask me to emote. Before I could say anything he said "So are you happy with it?". Yes. Yes I am.

Oh..and ha, ha! Made ya lick yourself!

2005-09-21T11:26:00.000-07:00

Turning over a new leaf

So I just finished the book "You: The Owner's Manual" and it was GREAT! You may have seen the authors on Oprah. It was the one where they talked alot about poop.

Anyway, I recommend it. It's easy to read and gives you loads of easy-to-remember tips to live better and healthier. One of the things that popped out was a tidbit about High Fructose Corn Syrup. It's the devil. VERY bad for you. I had heard that before, but never really knew WHY it was bad or WHAT it did to you, so until now I ignored it. Now that I've been looking at labels, it is EVERYWHERE! I e-mailed Wishbone to let them know I would have to cease purchasing my favorite dressing, Balsamic Vinaigrette, until they removed HFCS from it. They sent me back the typical B.S. about carefully selecting the best ingredients available and that they are not trying to cater to "people on special diets". Hmmm. Ok. Paul Newman's Light is evil-free and a tasty substitute. So there.

I finally got the nerve to step onto the scale. I'm not sure how long ago I last weighed, but the good news is that it read 15 lbs. lighter. Only 30 more to go! Argh.

I've been doing NutriSystem for the last couple of weeks and it's not too bad. Some of the entrees tastes like cat food, but several other items are quite palatable. I figured I'd do it for a couple of months to get things jump-started. I have to buy work clothes for a meeting in 2 weeks, so in my perfect world, I can drop at least one more size between now and then.

Between my newer, healthy live-long habits and my cleaner diet, I really AM trying to turn over a new leaf. If only I weren't completely retarded, I'd be that much closer to super-hero status! I am kidding, of course.

2005-09-15T12:12:00.000-07:00

Alllll Better!

OK. I'm over it now. My back is slightly better (5 days to heal a spasm of that magnitude, says my chiro). The ride with the big boss went fine. I did have a very obvious Senior Moment, though. He asked me a key question about one of our major competitors, and I drew a massive blank. I literally could not answer his question. So after I did my Ashlee Simpson "this is awkward" jig, I managed to change the subject. Later in the day, after my panicky fog cleared, I was able to recall the information and even managed to pull a related anecdote out of my ass to prove I kinda-sorta knew what I was talking about. Whew!

The baby's cold is a tad better. The dog isn't dead yet. All is well! This weekend is my birthday, but I'm keeping it sorta low key, which is fine by me.

So back to the vet thing. I went ahead and spent a bit more money than I planned, because he gave me the option (what a novel idea!) of sending a sample from the cyst to his pathologist to know what we were dealing with for sure. He hinted around that as a vet, he wasn't qualified to analyze samples like that (a small jab at my other vet, no doubt!). I also made a point to never mention who my current vet was, so he would feel freer to give me his opinion.

So the pathologist found no mast cells. We MAY want to remove it eventually, though. For $200 LESS than E.V. (evil vet). OH! And annual shots per animal are HALF the cost with new, good vet. Hmmm..whatever SHALL I do?

I'm just excited that I can now continue to seek health care for my pets AND buy groceries for the family. Isn' that really how it should be?

2005-09-11T18:49:00.000-07:00

Reflections

Sorry. This post should clearly reflect my mood after my "weekend".

My boss's boss will be having a "field visit" with me (and two other reps) this week. No pressure. Really. Never met the guy. NO idea what to expect. Refer to previous posts re: me FREAKING out before a REGULAR ride-along. Shoulders...meet ears. Know what I mean? Anyone wanna put odds on my chances of securing Valium from my OB? Cause I think I wanna try.... OH! And he sends the three of us a vague e-mail regarding "preparation" for the visits. I need to call my manager tomorrow. During my sick day. You'll see.

The baby has his first cold. Crab, crab and more crab. OH! And snot. Lots of snot. And crabbiness.

Sooo...my daughter has a preschool friend over for a sleepover last night. I'm not sure if it was schlepping the baby all over God's creation during our A.M. soccer game, or if it was the being hunched over for 40 minutes while painting "peppermint stripes" on both the girl's toenails, but my low back is TOTALLY SCREWED. Spasm in the Nth degree. I already took a sick day tomorrow because I plan to camp out on my chiro's doorstep until they treat me. Prescription Motrin? Nope. Ice? Nope. Heating pad? Better than a sharp stick to the eye, I guess. We'll try Tylenol 3 tonight and see how it flies.

When MY crabbiness fades, I'll follow up on the vet situation. Breakin' up ain't THAT hard to do!

2005-09-06T11:21:00.000-07:00

Anyone good with a knife?

Because I could use a little surgical help right now.

Last week I take my little dog and ancient cat to the vet for their shots. Way overdue, naturally. I made the appointment with who I thought was the "cool" vet. Yeah. The cat has been sneezing for a couple weeks, and the nurse said something about it even before I brought it up. She says "We'll do a blood test to see what's going on..." which I immediately declined. Why not get him on some antibiotics first, and if he doesn't get better THEN we'll do the $60 blood test. Well, the vet herself was not having ANY of that. She insists on a blood AND urine test, and no inoculations for him, either. By the time we got out of there, I had a bill for $230 waiting for me at the checkout. Even though I've never actually been punched in the stomach, I imagine this might be very much what it feels like.

Then later that week I bring the Great Dane in. I had to wait until my husband's large vehicle was available to haul the big 'un. Before they sell you heartworm medication they want to do a BLOOD TEST to make sure they don't already HAVE heartworms. Um, no. "Well", says the vet "it's our policy that they get a blood test every other year before we'll dispense more medication, so you'll have to get one NEXT year then for sure". Check. Buy heartworm meds elsewhere next year. What in THE HELL!?!

Oh, it gets better. So I ask her (in passing) if the cyst on the dog's back leg needs to be checked again. It still erodes occasionally. It was benign last time she checked it. WELLLLL, let me tell you that it NOW looks to contain "mast" cells (apparently mast=bad) and it should be taken off AS SOOOOON AS POSSIBLE. And since he REALLY needs a teeth cleaning, she drew up two separate estimates, with and without the cleaning. Gee, thanks. I actually GET to chose? Well, the upshot is that the damn surgery tooth cleaning will be just under $500. Oh, and that'll be another $240 for today's visit. H-O-L-Y S-H-I-T. So now we're talking about a grand.

Did I happen to mention that this vet office just moved into a really nice, new, huge building? Did I mention that? I really resent it when they look at you like you beat your pets when you question unnecessary expenses. I must be the worst pet owner EVER since I don't want to take out a second mortgage on my house to get monthly colonics for the beautiful, precious sweeties! Man, do I SUCK! At one point I actually find myself explaining my financial situation to the vet, as though I'm trying to defend myself. It's one of those moments that you hear the words coming out of your mouth, while simultaneously thinking "shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!"

Because I'm a gambler, I just made an appointment with a brand new vet I've never been to before (but is attached to my groomer) for a $30 office visit. I may be risking $30, but I feel like I need a second opinion, or at least another estimate for the procedure. I really can't help but feel like I'm being fleeced by my current vet. If this guy can give me a square deal, I have no problems dumping my current vet like an annoying, needy boyfriend. I've broken up with vets before and damnit, I can do it again!

2005-08-31T11:01:00.000-07:00

Dumbest...problem...EVER!

OK..perhaps I'll refer to it as a "dilemma" rather than a problem. People in New Orleans have problems. You'll see...totally retarded.

Sooo...about two weeks ago a new doctor in my area started doing Botox and practically BEGGED me to send him people telling me he'd give them a good deal. Then he hinted around to see if I wanted any. Well, of COURSE I want some Botox! However, I've never paid for it before. I have some pretty good relationships with Botox-peddlers and have always been able to work out more of a "trade" deal. So long story long...I let him practice on me...AND I paid for it. He is a client of mine, so it felt like it was the right thing to do. Plus, he's a super-nice guy. He is new to the product, so he was taking a VERY conservative approach, which he seemed to realize. After a week, I still had lots of movement in my forehead. (More than I usually have post-Tox. I haven't had any in well over a year...way before I got pregnant).

So off to one of my doctors in another area that I've done trade with before. I'm sitting in one of his patient rooms discussing products when he turns with needle in hand and says "Sit back, it's Botox day!" Ummm. "I'm already Botoxed." "Yeah, not nearly enough. Sit back." So I did.

Now I'm totally Halle Berry at the Oscars. Thank God this stuff wears off eventually. Let me say that I am not SORRY I got extra Botox, because it really did wipe away my remaining creases. How I have it now is how I usually have it.

So here's the dilemma: I can't avoid the NEW doctor for the next six months since I will be participating in an Open House for him in 2 weeks. I KNOW he's going to be asking me to raise my eyebrows to examine "his" work. Yeah. I got nuthin'. I'm afraid if I tell him I got more Botox he'll be really pissed. If I DON'T tell him, he may freak out thinking that HE did all this, thinking he was doing something else completely. I'd hate to make the poor guy doubt himself since he is new to this. So what do I say? Let's scrap the straight up "honesty is the best policy" bit. If I do tell him, I need to spin it so I don't look like an a-hole. Any thoughts? And, yes. This is the dumbest thing ever, so you don't need to tell me. Just start off with "Well, Pharmgirl, if I were you, I would..." Thanks for helping me dig my sorry ass out of my robotic-faced hole!

2005-08-28T06:33:00.000-07:00

Everyone's crazy

Maybe even me. Geeez. The older I get, the weirder everyone else gets. I'm gonna leave it at that right now. So anyway, I've had some drama to keep me busy.

Ahhh..Kindergarten. So far, so good. She wasn't even the slightest bit scared and seems to be adjusting just fine. Whew. Everyday she seems to be turning more and more into a freaky little diva, though. She sees those Kid's Bop commercials and goes around the house singing the songs using her "cute" look. ("See mom, is this a cute face?") Yeah.

The only problem so far is with our bus stop. We live on a dead-end cul-de-sac and the bus will not turn around there. (Even though I've SEEN busses turning around there in the past, for whatever reason!). So they expect our kindergartener and our neighbor's first-grader to walk up the hill and around the corner, out of view from our houses, to catch the bus. Um, I don't think so. The really annoying part is that the bus LITERALLY stops at every other house in the rest of the neighborhood. I mean, every 10 feet that damn bus stops (I know this from getting caught behind it in the afternoon). So according to the lady that answers the phone, it's been their policy to not turn around in a cul-de-sac "ever since she's been there" which apparently is a very long time. So..wheeeee! I get to take on "the man"!

Also, soccer practice has started and so far, so good. I knew I might be in trouble when a bunch of the other moms started talking about which church they went to. Thank God I could chime in with MY daughter's Vacation Bible School story, although we rarely go to church and do not belong to one. I left that part out.

2005-08-12T14:47:00.000-07:00

Hot Stuff!

Even if it DID fall off the back of a truck...I don't CARE! Check out the deal I just snagged from E-bay: I got a 16 disc Baby Einstein set shipped from Hong Kong, for $40...and that INCLUDES shipping! Why is this exciting? Because that set retails for $265.00 (plus shipping) in the U.S. that's why! Holy Schmoly! If you aren't familiar with Baby Einstein it's essentially like crack-cocaine for babies. It's mostly puppets and interesting action toys set to classical music. You park a baby in front of that and you have 30 minutes of quiet bliss. PLUS they swear it's educational. Say what you want about T.V. and kids... it DEFINITELY has it's place!

Our very first soccer clinic got massively rained out on Saturday, which was not a happy time in the Pharmgirl household, plus the baby was having his worst day EVER, sleeping most of the day and crying when he was awake, clearly in some type of discomfort. After waiting for each nap to make an improvement, I finally broke down and gave him some Ibuprofen, which did seem to help. Guess we probably have a tooth ready to make an appearance! Oh, and the doctor DOES want to clip under the baby's tongue...but we'll wait until he's a year old.

So other than that...we have been GO GO GO. Lot's of stuff to keep me busy with work, outside projects and kid stuff. My only trip this year will be to California for a sales meeting. I plan to fly back a couple days after the meeting is over so I can have a day to two to myself. Perhaps a spa...on the beach. Did I say a day or two? Hmmm. I'll let ya know on that one.

2005-08-11T17:47:00.000-07:00

Need..sleepy

The boss was here yesterday and today. And I have to say...not bad! We had a short, yet successful day yesterday and this morning when I went to pick him up, he announced that he slept like crap last night, was in a shitty mood and wanted to catch an early flight home. Well......OK. I guess! Don't have to ask me twice.

So it was short and sweet. Just the way I like it. Of course, tomorrow will be mostly a "me day" which is essential post ride-along. It will involve a pedicure, lunch with a girlfriend and a trip to the gym. I'll have to cut it short, though. The baby has a Dr. appt. with an ENT tomorrow. They want to look at his little heart-shaped tongue and decide if his tongue-tie is bad enough to warrant clipping. Ouch.

Anyway, I always get myself worked up into a lather before the boss comes and it's always anti-climactic. So I will be oh-so-ready for some sleep tonight and a little me time tomorrow. Coming soon: My new role as "Soccer Mom". Now all I'll need is the mini-van. Argh. Kill me.

2005-08-09T13:42:00.000-07:00

It's like having a crystal ball...only way more real!

So I've been getting a glimpse of my future eight years from now. I've had a thirteen year old girl hanging out with me for a few weeks now. Why? you may ask. OK...how can I make this not confusing? Our neighbor has a good friend whose daughter is 13. She has been staying with my neighbor for most of the summer. Her druggie-freako mother ran out on her when she was very little, so her dad (who is still single) has raised her. She looks at my neighbor as a mother figure. The neighbor has two boys, so the girl has been helping keep an eye on them over the summer. The problem is that my neighbor works a full time job and is also getting her Master's Degree. Her unemployed husband, who also happens to be a raging alcoholic, pops Tylenol PM and drinks beer all day. So neighbor girl wants to get out of the house once in awhile. I opened my door for her because I didn't think that she needed to be around loser-alcoholic neighbor, especially when the boys were at summer camp.

She found out that I go to the gym everyday, so I now have had a work-out buddy until school starts. Did I mention she is six feet tall and quite a basketball star? Her goal is to be in the "best shape of her life" by the time the season starts later this fall. Why did I never utter those words in junior high? She wanted me to help her pick out her outfit for class registration today. After we decided on the clothing, I confused her by asking "What's the most IMPORTANT thing to wear today"? She was stumped. "GOOD POSTURE!" Of course. As you can imagine, most six foot tall 13 year-olds slump a bit. My trainer, who also happens to be a giant, gave her a "tall girl" pep talk. So it's my job to remind her. After the gym today, I took her to Osco since she was terribly panicked about having a couple of zits on her chin. We got some zit fighter and some concealer. I get the impression she's only ever used lip gloss before. Gee, I hope I don't get in trouble for buying her make-up!

She's been fun to have around because she's great with the baby and all of the bigger kids like her too. I'm guessing that after school starts we'll be seeing much less of her, but at least I helped make her summer ever-so-slightly more bearable. AND I'm grooming a baby sitter! Boy oh boy are THOSE ever hard to find! Only two more weeks until school. My daughter is totally stoked to be starting Kindergarten. We went school supply shopping last week. After we got home, she donned her giant backpack and grabbed her lunch cooler and said "This is what I'll look like going to school" and proceeded to saunter through the living room. Check. Now that I have a visual aid, I can function at a much higher level.

Well, here is where it all begins. Wish me luck..once again.

2005-08-05T10:12:00.000-07:00

What are you wearing right now?

Because I'M wearing my new Invisalign braces! So far, so...OK. I'm still getting used to them. They swear the little lisp that comes FREE with the product will fade within days. This will be a huge pain in the patootie for the next year...that much I can tell you! You take them out every time you eat or drink anything but water. They need to be rinsed so they aren't spit coated..and then you need to brush them AND your teeth before you put them back in. One thing is for sure...it's going to keep me from nibbling and snacking. I also can no longer use my teeth as tools. Damnit.

So this may end up as a magic diet tool as an added bonus! It's a big hassle to eat. Of course, that's not going to stop me or anything...but now eating ANYTHING is a big production number. Even after less than 24 hours I can already tell they have changed my bite. When I took them out this morning, I could tell my teeth or jaw had already shifted. Weird. Also, my teeth are a bit tender...but not "painful". So I am on my merry way to new straight teeth! Yippee for me!

2005-08-02T09:23:00.000-07:00

Why do I poison myself?

Argh. You'd think after 13 years (17?) of drinking I'd learn my lesson. But you'd be WRONG! A group of gals from my gym (including my trainer) invited me to tag along Saturday night for one of the girl's birthdays. They were heading out early for dinner. My husband wasn't going to be home from work until about 11pm, so I said I could join in after the kids went to bed..about 9:30. If the kids are asleep already, I can have a younger neighbor girl come over vs. a "real" sitter. So the neighbor girl was late getting over and by the time I make it to the martini bar, it's a bit past 10pm.

I guess I thought I needed to "make up for lost time" since THEY had been out for hours already. I hit the martini menu and that was ALL SHE WROTE! In the span of about 3 hours, I consumed approximately four martinis and two mixed drinks..oh, and a shot, too. Fortunately one of the ladies in the group doesn't drink much, so she had driven everyone (else) down there.

Well thank God SOMEBODY had some sense..because she refused to let me drive home. When I got home I slurred to my husband that I had some "good news and bad news". The bad news obviously being that we had to make an hour round-trip drive the next day to get my car.

The next morning the baby was kind enough not to wake me up until 9, but when I looked over my husband was GONE. Oh MAN! I forgot he was playing golf. So it was just me (still slightly drunk and feeling incredibly bad) and the kiddies. The extra-fun part was that I had friends from out of town coming over for lunch so I got to 1) take care of the kids 2) clean the house 3) make lunch 4) suffer a slow death...all in the span of three hours! Naturally I employed my hangover remedy: A can of Coke and 3 aspirin. It sure did help. Then after company left we had to go get the car and THEN go to the neighbor's for dinner. I never even had TIME to truly suffer on Sunday. So my body went ahead and put that on hold until yesterday. Man oh MAN was I hurting all day Monday. Who has a TWO DAY hangover? Well, I do. I think drinking so much in such a short period of time was literally like drinking drain cleaner. Guess that happens when you get old and don't get out much.

I'd like to say I won't be doing that again anytime soon..but you just never know. I did really appreciate that fact that someone made the call and drove me home , though. One thing I am learning as I get older is that a $50 cab ride home would be alot cheaper (and less embarrassing) than a DUI. Also, since I drive a company car I could lose my job...so when you look at it THAT way...it makes it the only option. Of course there's the whole "danger to yourself and others" thing, too.

In the meantime, I shall let the damage heal and focus on that 8-10 glasses of water a day goal. Lord knows I need to purge those poisons!

2005-07-29T19:02:00.000-07:00

That's Hot

And by hot, I do mean "stolen". I stole this idea from Average Jane, because I am LAME. There. I said it.

1. What time did you get up this morning? Which time? I can hear that baby thru the wall. I got up LAST at 7:40

2. What was the last movie you saw? Wedding Crashers. Almost wet my pants.

3. What is your favorite TV show? Guilty Pleasure: Kept on VH1. I also care for Best Week Ever a great deal.

4. What do you usually have for breakfast? Either a peanut butter South Beach bar or GoLean Crunch and a cup of coffee.

5. What is your middle name? Christie (and I swear to you...my husband does not know this!)

6. Favorite cuisine? Mexican! Mmmmm..fajitas!

8. What is your favorite chip flavor? I also like a plain, restaurant-style tortilla chip, or a plain Wow! Potato chip. And, no they do NOT give you the runs. Best thing since sliced bread, I tell you!

9. What is your favorite CD at the moment? OK...I'm going to expose another shocking dirty little secret. When I'm alone in my car I listen to CDs friends have burned..and it's usually ghetto rap! Wwwhhhhhat?! Yeaaaaaaah! (That's my Little John impression...sorry. Guess you had to be there.)

10. What kind of car do you drive? Ford Escape

11. Favorite sandwich? Asiago Roast Beef from Panera (do NOT ever look at the nutritional stats...I beg you!)

12. What characteristic do you despise? Flakiness!

13. Favorite item of clothes? Anything that tastefully covers my flab

14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Either Italy or Australia.

15. What color is your bathroom? Mint green and blue. Hey...it actually works!

16. Favorite brand of clothing? When I'm not hog fat, Union Bay jeans fit me pretty well. I like NY&Co. stuff too. Cute and cheap. Right up my alley.

17. Where would you retire to? Anyplace warm!

19. Favorite sport to watch? Hahahahahahahahahahahha!

20. Goal you have for yourself? Don't get canned..and try to retire before 50!

21. When is your birthday? Sept. 18th

22. When is your anniversary? April 4th

23. Are you a morning person or a night person? What if I'm always tired...is that bad?

24. What is your shoe size? 9 1/2 (was 9 pre-prego)

25. Pets? Three dogs, one ancient cat

26. Any new and exciting news you would like to share? Not that I would like to share! (Do I have you wondering?)

27. What did you want to be when you were little? An archaeologist or an actress. Man is THAT dream around the corner or WHAT!?

28. What are you today? A sales rep...who likes to occasionally over-dramatize.

29. What is your favorite candy? Violet Crumble. Ever heard of it? It's Australian and they carry it at random specialty food shops. If you ever see it BUY ONE. You won't be sorry...and if you are, wrap up the remainder and send it to me.

30. What is your favorite flower? Gardenias. I just want to tie one under my nose and breathe VERY DEEPLY for hours.

Don't say I never gave ya nuthin'!

2005-07-23T20:10:00.000-07:00

Thank You, Strange Lady!

My husband took the baby to Oklahoma to see his parents for the weekend. My daughter (after a bit of bribing) decided to stay with me. We're having a girls weekend! I'm trying to squeeze in all the stuff you can't do with a baby in tow and it turns out...there's alot!

But before I forget, I have to send a shout-out to the lady-I-never-saw in the bathroom at a shopping center. While my daughter was playing I got "that feeling". You know what I mean. "Hey honey...I need to go to the bathroom RIGHT NOW and then you can keep playing when we're done". So into the bathroom we go. Damn. Hadn't planned on that one. So having no other viable option I say loudly "Would anyone by chance have any feminine products they wouldn't mind parting with?" I got a couple of "No, sorry"s and then someone said "If you have change there's a machine in here!" "Oh...I didn't know. Thank you!" So while I'm still in the stall (with my daughter who has no idea what in the hell I'm blathering about) I'm digging in my purse and, of course...no change. Before I had time to consider my next move someone said "Which stall?" So I waved and a strange hand handed me a Kotex, which had obviously just been purchased. Does that restore your faith in womankind or what? I must remember to pay that forward. How nice was that? By the time I managed to distract my daughter (what's THAT over THERE?!?) and utilize said product (sorry...I'm really working hard to avoid TMI, but I know I'm WAY past that!) the bathroom was empty when I emerged. So I never saw who came to my rescue. But I really appreciated it. Alot. The next time you get annoyed at the long lines at the women's room, just remember: there may be a face in that crowd that will save your day...AND your capris!

2005-07-20T08:03:00.000-07:00

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye...

And hopefully, that someone won't be me. Please bear with my during my tale of woe. Monday at the gym I noticed that my left eye socket hurt in the outside corner. Hmmm. That's weird. It hurt all day (to the touch and if I closed my eye with more than a blink). So yesterday I wake up and not only does it hurt MORE, but now it's all swollen up, too. I've thankfully never been punched in the eye, but I imagine this is very much what it would feel like. So I call the eye doctor and they squeeze me in. As I feared, he really didn't know what it was since my actual eyeball did not seem to be affected. He thought it could be cellulitis (a skin infection which my daughter has been getting ALOT lately) so he prescribed me a Z-pak.

I popped the first two antibiotics and then went to lunch. After lunch I felt really bloated and uncomfortable. By the time I got home I could almost not stay awake. It is very rare for me to be able to nap during the day, but I PASSED OUT for about an hour. When I woke up I still felt crappy. I skipped dinner altogether (no appetite) and got the kids to bed as early as possible since I was starting to feel DIZZY too! After icing my eye for an hour and popping a Tylenol 3 (neither of which worked) I managed to sleep fitfully all night.

Well THIS morning, my eyeball decided to get involved in the fun! It looks all red on one side and kind of yellow and bulgy by the iris. Sigh. After another $20 co-pay, a different eye doctor at the office confirmed the original diagnosis and threw some eye drops at me to shut me up. Gee...at this point I sure am HOPING this is cellulitis! (although according to the all-knowing internet, periorbital cellulitis doesn't involve your actual eye, Mkay?)

So if the poison..I mean MEDICINE they gave me doesn't start making some drastic improvements in the next day, I guess I'll have to suck it up and go to a regular doctor and see if THEY have a clue! If only I HAD a regular doctor! Nothing like throwing yourself on the mercy of the front desk staff as a new patient. I bet they love that.

Well, I think I feel that zithromax kicking in so it's almost nappy time for me! Wish me (and my eyeball) luck!

2005-07-18T13:08:00.000-07:00

Guilty Pleasures with an Extra Side of Guilt!

I woke up this morning...and ONLY this morning. Not at 5 a.m., 5:30 a.m., 6:30 a.m., 7 a.m., etc. as usual. It occurred to me when I woke up today that the baby didn't wake me up once last night...because OPPS! I didn't have the monitor turned up loudly enough. I'm sure he cried himself to sleep at least 2 or 3 times. Heh heh. I DID feel amazing after sleeping a full night, though. You either have to be an insomniac or a parent to refer to a full night of sleep as a "guilty pleasure"!

So while we were having routine shots and check up at the pediatrician this morning, she inquired about his sleeping habits. We gave her the rundown and then told her about last night. She looked at me and said "How do you feel about that? Does it matter if he wakes up and cries if you don't know about it?" Intriguing. Then she asked my husband. So after we hemmed and hawed with our answers I said "How do YOU feel about that?" This is why I love this doctor. She says "When he wakes up like that, he's not fully awake. He's going through a light sleep period and if you go in to 'comfort' him, you run the risk of actually waking him up. And then he'll come to expect nighttime visits. Turn the monitor off." WAAAHHHOOOOOOOOOOOO! Sleep, sleep, sleep... I love sleep! If he REALLY freaks out, we should be able to hear him anyway, so I can keep telling myself that.

Ahhhhhhhhh. See you on cloud nine, counting sheep!

2005-07-17T14:21:00.000-07:00

Birthday Madness

TWO little girl birthday parties this weekend. That makes three in the past 2 weeks. I'm OVER it! If I hear one more little girl screaming (including my own) my brain may melt completely. Or has it already? I show up at my friend's house this afternoon with foofy, girly gift in tow. I ring the doorbell and...nothing. No answer. OH MAN! I bet the party was YESTERDAY! I had only received a verbal invite. All I could think about was the whining I was gonna hear on the way home. So I call her cell phone and her husband answered. "OK...am I a tard? Was the party yesterday?". No, he tells me. They were having it right then. Someplace else. AHHHH! The minute he said it, I knew I had already been told. The information was simply NOT in my head. So we raced over the gymnastics place where the party was being held. I slowed down so my daughter could get out, then I raced to Target to grab her some shorts and a t-shirt. She'd chosen a dress to wear to the party. Of course.

I really, truly feel retarded right now. My brain thinks it's on drugs. Mushy oatmeal. I have been catching myself asking really dumb questions lately. Forgetting things. Ignoring things. SPACEY! I guess I can chalk it up to new baby/hormone stuff but JEEZ!

So if I trail off, ask a stupid questions or say something inappropriate, just ignore me...it may or may not get better any day now!

2005-07-11T10:07:00.000-07:00

Gotta Love "Me Day"!

Ah....I had one on Friday. It's bliss. I know that not many people get these so I know I'm lucky. After a nice A.M. workout, I showered, shaved my legs and headed over to my massage therapist. After that appointment was over, I then went to my hairdresser for a trim and color. After heading home and getting spruced up, a sitter came over and my husband & I went out for drinks and a movie (War of the Worlds in case you were wondering...it was good...I think).

The only downside to the evening was that our teenaged baby sitter called about 30 minutes into the movie to say the baby was crying hysterically and she wasn't sure what to do. Great. We gave her some tips and told her to call back if he didn't calm down. I called her about 20 minutes after that and she said he was dozing peacefully. The REAL story is that she put him in the stroller to take he & my daughter for a walk, but didn't buckle him in. He slid out of the front of the stroller and naturally got quite a scare. When he gets frightened, it's pretty hard to calm him down. Let's just suffice it to say she will now be on the bottom of the "OMG We're Desperate" babysitting list. So my point is that I had a hard time concentrating on the movie after that. I think I liked it OK.

Speaking of the baby, did I mention that he just skipped right over wearing 3-6 mo. sizes? Yup. Right over it. That growth spurt prompted a Wal-Mart run for some creepers and PJ's in 6-9 mo. size. Did I mention he's only 4 1/2 mo. old?

Little Porker.

2005-07-05T17:46:00.000-07:00

Damn you, Oral Hygiene!

Ah....nothing like a little jaunt over to the dentist to make your day complete! And when I say little jaunt what I really mean is a two hour ordeal. JEEEEZ! At my last exam, a pesky cavity was discovered so I had to come in today for a filling. I know, I know...you wanna be me! I waited about 15 minutes in the waiting room (and got to read a very interesting National Geographic article on stem cell research!). Then into an exam room. Novicane, novicane, novicane...then....NOTHING! My "rock star" dentist was soooo behind that I got to drool all over myself for a good HOUR before he breezed in. And then....MORE novicane! How do you know you've been at the dentist too long? When they have to shoot you up TWICE! I got to watch all of Dr. Phil and part of Oprah, though. Wee. I'd rather take a kick to the slats than go the dentist ever, but I don't wanna be a toothless little old lady, either. So I faithfully drag myself in. And at the end, they say "That'll be $80". So much for dental insurance covering all of those necessities.

Here's a Benjamin! Kick me in the head! Not only do I SO not wanna be there in the first place, but then I have to wait my ass off, endure shots in the mouth and the pain of dental work and THEN I hafta fork over eighty bucks!

Because I'm a huge sucker for punishment, I've made a consultation appointment with another orthodontist, though. I want one more opinion on the Invisalign before I write the whole thing off. The more I think about it, the more appealing it sounds. You can take the damn things out, in a pinch (and I think to eat, drink and brush your teeth, too). We'll see...I'll let you know what I decide. But for now, it's off to pop another Aleve before my novicane completely wears off. It won't be pretty.

2005-07-01T10:25:00.000-07:00

Random Updates

The Move: Not too bad. I did about 80% of it all by myself (my husband joined me for part of the unload after he got off of work). I pretty much felt like a stud. I rented the trailer, hauled the giant ramp in & out & lugged about 75 boxes in & out. Whew! Great workout & thankfully it rained for a big portion so it wasn't so hot.

The Comments: A friend asked me if my daughter understood the derogatory nature of her grandmother's comments. No, I don't think so, but the second it does hit home, imagine how bad she might feel. I LOVE being validated, though. I read an article in Redbook last night that addressed the topic of body image in young children. I may have to snip that one out, if ya know what I mean.

The Oink Factor: I got measured today. I have lost 4 inches in my waist and 1 in my hips...which...YEAH! BUT I've STILL only lost 5 pounds in the last 6-8 weeks! I gotta keep on keepin' on though. Maybe someday I'll even be able to put on a pair of shorts again! Is it crazy to dream?

Home Improvement: I have been on a crazy quest to find some outdoor furniture for my tiny front porch. I knew exactly what I wanted: Resin wicker, two chairs and a little table. Holy cow. Who do you have to kill to get that? The only stuff I was able to find was only available as giant sets, with a couch, coffee table, blah, blah, blah. I have looked EVERYWHERE. And then last night... JACKPOT! Kmart, of all places. AND it was on sale! Pinch me!

2005-06-29T15:49:00.000-07:00

Movin' on Up!

Try REAL hard not to be jealous...but I get to spend the afternoon tomorrow MOVING! And the heat index is only 100! Yippee! No, I didn't get kicked out of mi casa...I'm telling my storage unit to SHOVE IT tomorrow. I found another facility much closer to my house, and the best part is: They've never been robbed! Sign me up!

So in the afternoon, I have to go rent a trailer, go to my unit, unload 10x10 worth of crap into it and then unload it into the new one. Since it's the company's money, I'm renting the trailer for 48 hours vs. 24...I mean..why kill myself? I think it will be in best interest to skip the gym in the morning, as I will be sweating like a hog in heat all afternoon. Argh.

On a happy note, I wore my "other" fat pants today. They're the ones I bought to transition INTO maternity before. Long story short, they're 2 sizes smaller than the ones I got a couple months ago. Better than a sharp stick to the eye, and hey, it's progress!

2005-06-28T08:50:00.000-07:00

What's next? No fat chicks?

So this weekend marks probably the third or fourth time I've asked my husband to ask my mother-in-law to stop calling my daughter "piglet" or "porker" when she eats all of her food or wants a snack shortly after a meal. Anyone wanna back me up here? Maybe I'm overreacting, but for some reason it REALLY bothers me when she does this. My daughter is in no way overweight, but it just seems like this "joking" is over-the-top unnecessary. Let's see just how early we can give my daughter a horrible body image and/or an eating disorder! I hear they're really starting younger these days! Jeez.

My husband said something to her last night (supposedly for the second time) and of course her reaction was "Oh, I'm just teasing her! I'm not serious!". Oh, well I guess that makes it OK. Sigh. Then my husband and I had this dumb argument as to what constituted "name-calling". He says "Well, I call her 'cutie', and that's a name". My stand is that "name-calling" is something derogatory or unflattering. Does the person feel good when you use the 'name' or is it something that you wouldn't mind her saying to someone else? If no, then it's name-calling and I think it needs to stop. In my opinion, you set the example for kids as far as what is and is not OK to say to other people or how to treat them. You try not to swear in front of your kids so they don't, in turn, swear. Why would you call your child an unflattering name? Then what happens when your child's school calls telling you your daughter sent her chubby classmate into a crying fit when she called her "porker". Do you see where I'm coming from? After two "warnings" I'll just nut-up and say something myself next time. I like to make my husband do the dirty work since it's his mom, but I've really had enough. I've never had any confrontation with my mother-in-law and really don't want to start, but enough is enough! Stop saying mean things to my daughter! Is it really too much to ask?

2005-06-16T07:25:00.000-07:00

Suck It, 411!

I learned a neato new trick yesterday! It was a little blurb in a magazine and when I read it, I thought.."Oh, c'mon. That won't work". Soooo I tried it...and it worked!

Instead of dialing 411 on your cell phone to get a number (which typically costs $1.25 per call) you can text message Google and they will send you what you need. All you do is type in the word "googl" (Google without the "e"...46645) as the phone number, and then type in the name of the place you want with either the city or the zip code & hit "send". About 5 seconds later you get a message back from Google with the entire address and phone number of the place you're looking for. How cool is that?! Of course, typing all that crap in takes longer than dialing 411, but when you need directory assistance as often as I do, that shit adds up!

Since I am a gadget/computer moron, it's always nice to discover a fun little trick like that, that I can actually use. Now if I can only get the VCR to stop flashing 12:00, I'll be golden!

2005-06-12T15:59:00.000-07:00

What Happens in Vegas...

Is something I may never know. My husband is there this weekend with a big group of guys for a bachelor party. Nifty! Just where you want your husband to be when you're forty pounds overweight with a new baby at home. But someone asked me "how did you let him get away with that"? Short answer: if I were him, I'd be there too. We both maintain independent active social lives, so if my girls were going, I'd be there. He keeps calling me, though. On one hand, that's nice, but on the other hand, I told him his friends were going to think he was whipped. He actually said "It'd be more fun if you were here" to which I replied "but you can't pick up chicks when I'm around". Ha, ha. Plus, if he were going with me, I doubt he would have tanned for two weeks prior to departure. Humph. It does sound like they are more or less behaving themselves.

I was "lucky" enough to put my degree in Public Relations to work for my husband and his friends, though. He was worried (excessively) that no hot club in Vegas would admit a group of eight guys, so I came up with a brilliant plan for him. I suggested he call each club they are interested in, and attempt to get on the VIP lists. Fortunately for him, his job has a fairly high profile "title", so I told him the exact wording to use to insure the red-carpet treatment. Every single place he called put them on "the list", many with the VIP status, which included free cover (A $20 value!) To blow them off would have made the club managers look like total jackasses. So I garnered many accolades for my contribution. Wahoo. He had the nerve to tell me on the phone today what a GREAT tan he managed to get without ever burning! "Good for you...must be nice". How ELSE do you respond to that? I've been toiling with the other white-meats all weekend long. "Come to class tonight...it'll be a GREAT one", e-mails my trainer. Yeah, not so much. I'm a prisoner in my own home this weekend with my little gifts from God. No exercise for me! (Like it matters). Anyway, my "revenge" will hopefully be some type of spa destination trip in the late fall. I'll try to persuade my sister & some friends into going with me. Ahhhh. Spaaaa. And what happens at the spa....ahhh, hell. It's just not the same is it?

(on a side note, my spell-checker wanted to replace "jackasses" with "Chickasaws", whatever the hell that is...)