Wednesday, March 17, 2004

God's Country?

Well, what can I say about Western Kansas? For starters, it's really flat. But I guess we knew that already. You can see a storm 100 miles away. I spent 3 days touring four small towns somewhere between Colorado & Oklahoma. They call it God's Country because only God knows why you'd want to be there. I wish I could tell you that I didn't drive by the "Barb Wire Museum" or the "Sod Museum"....but I'd be lying. I did, however, tour the Dodge City "Boot Hill" Museum during some downtime from work. In a nut shell, the original Dodge City was a cess pool filled with drunks, outlaws & hookers. Wyatt Earp was a "shoot first and ask questions later" kinda lawman. Probably a necessity.

Here's how these small towns were originally founded...one of the tired, dusty starving settlers that had spent weeks & months trudging though the nothingness finally said "Screw it...we're just going to stop here" Voila! Ulysses Kansas. I saw some real prairie dogs in their little prairie dog tunnel town. I wanted to go in for a closer look, but you never know if the Kansas PD's have been hobnobbing with the Monkey Pox PD's. Better safe than sorry.

Western Kansas Factoids:

-Dodge City slaughters 6000 cattle A DAY

-Dodge City is 60% Mexican. I didn't see that one coming! The main strip looks makes you feel like you're on the Boulevard. Taqueria anyone? (Migrant workers for the slaughter houses)

-Every part of a cow is used (Mmmm, hotdogs) except the blood, which they burn.

-There are slaughter houses in EVERY Western KS town with a population over 3500

-The entire corner of the state smells like cow crap. I'm not kidding.

-Being near an actual cattle pen is like being beaten up & left for dead by stink. *gag*

-You can drive for 50 miles on a strip of asphalt & not see a single sign of life; no houses, no animals, no other cars. Very post-apocalyptic. Creepy.

-Slaughter house bonus: each worker gets one cow a year. (I don't know if the cow being dead is a requirement).

-People from all over the country, nay, the WORLD come to Dodge City....ON PURPOSE! There were Brits staying at my B&B for God's sake!

Today as I was standing at the door of the Dodge City "airport" waiting for my "plane", I just couldn't resist. As soon as they announced that it was time to go, I actually got to say "I am ready to get the hell out of Dodge!" LITERALLY!

Run, Dorothy, run.

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