Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Nobody Likes A Bully

Or a nosy neighbor. Our neighbor across the street (the one without kids) calls our street Wisteria Lane because of all the drama and hooey that goes on. And so it continues.

The mom of the naked kids up the street informed me that her first grader and the first grader two houses up from us got in trouble with our school's principal for "bullying" another kid in the neighborhood. Apparently they had been teasing him and naked kid wrote a note that the two boys put in his mail box, saying something to the effect of "So-and-so is the f-w-o-r-d", etc. I found that amusing. Ewwwww! You called me "f-w-o-r-d"! Guess that's first-grade boys for ya.

So I mention to my husband that the boys got in trouble for bullying. "Really", he says, "maybe I'll say something to them". Here's the part where I share in the guilt: "Yeah...you oughta! They're scared of you anyway".

He takes our daughter up to the bus stop today and when he returns, he just says "Um, yeah. That didn't go like I planned". Awww, geez. "WHAT?!?" He went up to the kid and says "Hey, Johnnie...nobody likes a bully". The response? The kid bursts into tears. Oops. And again, with sitcom-like timing, the mom pulls up to the bus stop in her car. When my husband tried to explain what happened the mom says "Yeah...he's pretty sensitive about that".

My husband figured in the big picture it was no big deal. My take was that it was trouble brewing. MAN, sometimes it's hard being right all the time.

My husband is working late tonight. I'm hanging out with the kiddos when the door bell rings. Guess who?!? Crying kid and his dad, looking all huffy-puffy. Super. "Is your husband home?" "Nope...working late tonight." "Well, apparently he 'got up in Johnnie's face' at the bus stop this morning. His older brother confirmed that. I just want to know what the deal is. That didn't sound like something he'd do. Y'know the kids look up to him, so I was pretty surprised to hear that". Then he gave me some mumbling story about how his kid was absolved from guilt and was wrongly accused, blah, blah, blah. Sigh. I hemmed and hawed around, offering up my husband's work number. "Nah, I'll catch him tomorrow".

I rang my husband to give him the head's up. "Ok...I'll talk to him tomorrow. No problem." NO PROBLEM?!? Why is it that HE can remain so cool, but it made ME all stressed out? I'm not even directly involved here!

Moral of the story? Mind yer own damn business. I'll let ya know how it goes.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

This evening marks the second time in three days my daughter has been caught lying and been punished accordingly. Unfortunately, the appropriate punishment is harder on me than it is on her. She loses cartoons. All T.V. And then cries that it's "no fair" that dad and I get to watch "grown-up cartoons" and she doesn't. "Well, honey...we aren't liars, ya see?" It's times like these I realize what a crutch T.V. can be. The first time, we were at a birthday party for twin seven-year old Katrina survivors up the street. I look back to see my daughter by the (uncut) cake with her finger in her mouth. "Did you just lick that icing?" "No". I could've SWORN I saw the words "guilty" flash across her forehead. "Come here. Let me smell your finger" (insert your own joke here...) Even though I couldn't really smell anything, I just sniffed and gave her "the look". "OK...I did", she admitted. Sunday was a T.V.-free day. Argh! She drove me NUTTTTTTTTTTS!

Then tonight she wanted to touch the baby's mouth to see his new tooth. "No", I say, "your hands are filthy". This time instead of the standard denial lie, she actually makes up a story. "Nuh-uh! Dad gave me a wipe in the car and I cleaned my hands!" With sitcom-like timing he walks in the door. "Did you give her a wipe in the car to clean her hands?" He gives me a strange look. "Nope. No idea what you're talking about". Since we happened to be watching her favorite cartoon at the time, it seemed only appropriate to reach over, grab the remote and click the T.V. right off.

She doesn't seem to get (even though I've told her repeatedly) that she won't get into trouble if she tells the truth...only if she lies. Somehow the lies just seem easier I guess. Too bad for her she's a terrible liar. Is it wrong to be happy when Monday comes sometimes?

Random: I just read someplace that if you want to know how your breath smells (and we all know the hand-cupping huff doesn't work) lick the back of your hand, wait 10 seconds and sniff. It will have a smell, but it shouldn't be icky. Handy tip! It works! Also, I just did my first yoga class in 7 years last night. I did surprisingly well. The only thing I couldn't do was the push-up like hover. I had to keep it in full plank. I think I could've passed for a regular! Guess it's like riding a bike.

Update: The Botox doc at the Open House did, indeed, corner me and ask me to emote. Before I could say anything he said "So are you happy with it?". Yes. Yes I am.

Oh..and ha, ha! Made ya lick yourself!

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Turning over a new leaf

So I just finished the book "You: The Owner's Manual" and it was GREAT! You may have seen the authors on Oprah. It was the one where they talked alot about poop.

Anyway, I recommend it. It's easy to read and gives you loads of easy-to-remember tips to live better and healthier. One of the things that popped out was a tidbit about High Fructose Corn Syrup. It's the devil. VERY bad for you. I had heard that before, but never really knew WHY it was bad or WHAT it did to you, so until now I ignored it. Now that I've been looking at labels, it is EVERYWHERE! I e-mailed Wishbone to let them know I would have to cease purchasing my favorite dressing, Balsamic Vinaigrette, until they removed HFCS from it. They sent me back the typical B.S. about carefully selecting the best ingredients available and that they are not trying to cater to "people on special diets". Hmmm. Ok. Paul Newman's Light is evil-free and a tasty substitute. So there.

I finally got the nerve to step onto the scale. I'm not sure how long ago I last weighed, but the good news is that it read 15 lbs. lighter. Only 30 more to go! Argh.

I've been doing NutriSystem for the last couple of weeks and it's not too bad. Some of the entrees tastes like cat food, but several other items are quite palatable. I figured I'd do it for a couple of months to get things jump-started. I have to buy work clothes for a meeting in 2 weeks, so in my perfect world, I can drop at least one more size between now and then.

Between my newer, healthy live-long habits and my cleaner diet, I really AM trying to turn over a new leaf. If only I weren't completely retarded, I'd be that much closer to super-hero status! I am kidding, of course.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Alllll Better!

OK. I'm over it now. My back is slightly better (5 days to heal a spasm of that magnitude, says my chiro). The ride with the big boss went fine. I did have a very obvious Senior Moment, though. He asked me a key question about one of our major competitors, and I drew a massive blank. I literally could not answer his question. So after I did my Ashlee Simpson "this is awkward" jig, I managed to change the subject. Later in the day, after my panicky fog cleared, I was able to recall the information and even managed to pull a related anecdote out of my ass to prove I kinda-sorta knew what I was talking about. Whew!

The baby's cold is a tad better. The dog isn't dead yet. All is well! This weekend is my birthday, but I'm keeping it sorta low key, which is fine by me.

So back to the vet thing. I went ahead and spent a bit more money than I planned, because he gave me the option (what a novel idea!) of sending a sample from the cyst to his pathologist to know what we were dealing with for sure. He hinted around that as a vet, he wasn't qualified to analyze samples like that (a small jab at my other vet, no doubt!). I also made a point to never mention who my current vet was, so he would feel freer to give me his opinion.

So the pathologist found no mast cells. We MAY want to remove it eventually, though. For $200 LESS than E.V. (evil vet). OH! And annual shots per animal are HALF the cost with new, good vet. Hmmm..whatever SHALL I do?

I'm just excited that I can now continue to seek health care for my pets AND buy groceries for the family. Isn' that really how it should be?

Sunday, September 11, 2005


Sorry. This post should clearly reflect my mood after my "weekend".

My boss's boss will be having a "field visit" with me (and two other reps) this week. No pressure. Really. Never met the guy. NO idea what to expect. Refer to previous posts re: me FREAKING out before a REGULAR ride-along. Shoulders...meet ears. Know what I mean? Anyone wanna put odds on my chances of securing Valium from my OB? Cause I think I wanna try.... OH! And he sends the three of us a vague e-mail regarding "preparation" for the visits. I need to call my manager tomorrow. During my sick day. You'll see.

The baby has his first cold. Crab, crab and more crab. OH! And snot. Lots of snot. And crabbiness.

Sooo...my daughter has a preschool friend over for a sleepover last night. I'm not sure if it was schlepping the baby all over God's creation during our A.M. soccer game, or if it was the being hunched over for 40 minutes while painting "peppermint stripes" on both the girl's toenails, but my low back is TOTALLY SCREWED. Spasm in the Nth degree. I already took a sick day tomorrow because I plan to camp out on my chiro's doorstep until they treat me. Prescription Motrin? Nope. Ice? Nope. Heating pad? Better than a sharp stick to the eye, I guess. We'll try Tylenol 3 tonight and see how it flies.

When MY crabbiness fades, I'll follow up on the vet situation. Breakin' up ain't THAT hard to do!

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Anyone good with a knife?

Because I could use a little surgical help right now.

Last week I take my little dog and ancient cat to the vet for their shots. Way overdue, naturally. I made the appointment with who I thought was the "cool" vet. Yeah. The cat has been sneezing for a couple weeks, and the nurse said something about it even before I brought it up. She says "We'll do a blood test to see what's going on..." which I immediately declined. Why not get him on some antibiotics first, and if he doesn't get better THEN we'll do the $60 blood test. Well, the vet herself was not having ANY of that. She insists on a blood AND urine test, and no inoculations for him, either. By the time we got out of there, I had a bill for $230 waiting for me at the checkout. Even though I've never actually been punched in the stomach, I imagine this might be very much what it feels like.

Then later that week I bring the Great Dane in. I had to wait until my husband's large vehicle was available to haul the big 'un. Before they sell you heartworm medication they want to do a BLOOD TEST to make sure they don't already HAVE heartworms. Um, no. "Well", says the vet "it's our policy that they get a blood test every other year before we'll dispense more medication, so you'll have to get one NEXT year then for sure". Check. Buy heartworm meds elsewhere next year. What in THE HELL!?!

Oh, it gets better. So I ask her (in passing) if the cyst on the dog's back leg needs to be checked again. It still erodes occasionally. It was benign last time she checked it. WELLLLL, let me tell you that it NOW looks to contain "mast" cells (apparently mast=bad) and it should be taken off AS SOOOOON AS POSSIBLE. And since he REALLY needs a teeth cleaning, she drew up two separate estimates, with and without the cleaning. Gee, thanks. I actually GET to chose? Well, the upshot is that the damn surgery tooth cleaning will be just under $500. Oh, and that'll be another $240 for today's visit. H-O-L-Y S-H-I-T. So now we're talking about a grand.

Did I happen to mention that this vet office just moved into a really nice, new, huge building? Did I mention that? I really resent it when they look at you like you beat your pets when you question unnecessary expenses. I must be the worst pet owner EVER since I don't want to take out a second mortgage on my house to get monthly colonics for the beautiful, precious sweeties! Man, do I SUCK! At one point I actually find myself explaining my financial situation to the vet, as though I'm trying to defend myself. It's one of those moments that you hear the words coming out of your mouth, while simultaneously thinking "shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!"

Because I'm a gambler, I just made an appointment with a brand new vet I've never been to before (but is attached to my groomer) for a $30 office visit. I may be risking $30, but I feel like I need a second opinion, or at least another estimate for the procedure. I really can't help but feel like I'm being fleeced by my current vet. If this guy can give me a square deal, I have no problems dumping my current vet like an annoying, needy boyfriend. I've broken up with vets before and damnit, I can do it again!

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