Monday, November 28, 2005

Who Let the Dogs Out?

Back from a lovely five-hour jaunt to the in-laws for the holidays! Ahhh..what a refreshing break! Awww, jeez...who am I kidding? Five hours in the car with a baby? We did invest in a nifty new DVD player for the trip. It has two screens that mount to the back of the headrests and it plays two DIFFERENT things! Baby Einstein on one, and...whatever on the other! I almost forgot my daughter was even in the car. We got maybe 2-3 hours of actual "use" out of the baby's DVD player. The rest of his time was spent either a) sleeping (my fave!) b) grizzling or c) peeling the paint off with his screams. Ahhhh. Family vacations! My sister and I remember rattling around the back of the station wagon lying atop an old crib mattress (that we also used to sled down our long stairs). Seatbelts? Nah..those were only for the FRONT seats. A/C? Only for the rich folks. How times change. We also brought our little dog, who spent the entire 10-hour round trip drive trying to devise a way to make it from his position on the back floorboard into my lap in the front seat. And his breath stinks. Really badly.

We left the two big dogs and the ancient cat in the hands of our pet sitter. She comes twice a day to love on everybody and then leaves a little note summing up each visit. My favorite comment from this trip was "When I came in today, I noticed the dogs had a wrench and a screwdriver out on the floor. I have no idea what they were trying to fix".

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Does this tie make me look fat? No, but your face does.

Sorry...another kid post but I HAD to. Plus, I'm super-short on time so I'll be brief.

My daughter puts her winter coat on this morning and says "Does this coat make me look fat?" Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! WHAT!?! All of my efforts to not say "fat" when talking about people...all of my "healthy" body messages just flew right out the freakin' window. SHE'S FIVE!?!? Oh, man, oh man, oh man.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Dinner Conversation:

Daughter: "Did you see this picture I made at school? It's Pokemon. I made it for my brother since he's a boy!"

Me: "Nice! How do you know he's a boy?"

D: "Um, hello...BROTHER!?! BOY?!? You're being silly".

Me: "What makes him a boy?"

D: "Um...God?"

Husband: "Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!"

Sunday, November 13, 2005

22 Pounds of Hot, Fresh Crab!

Or perhaps better known as My Giant Baby. What is this kid's DEAL anyway? My husband had (got?) to work all weekend so I did the single mom thing. Sigh. Teething? Personality? Growing pains? Vendetta? WHY is this kid crabby unless he is physically sleeping or eating? I think part of it is his burgeoning mobility. He is just right there.... ready to crawl. Maybe it's just constant frustration. He can move from point A to point B by flopping around like a retarded sea lion (that wasn't PC was it?). BUT he has yet to master it. The result? CONSTANT bitching. Yah, yah...I know. There are MUCH WORSE problems, but I am NOT having a nice weekend so I, too, am crabby. I do fake it for the kiddies. Does that count?

Ewww, ewww...on an UP note, I did get a chance to take my daughter to see Chicken Little this afternoon after my husband got home. Ok...CGI is really cool and all, but CGI in 3-D is freakin' awesome!!! If you can see it in 3-D DO NOT pass up the chance. Just amazing! And the story was pretty cute too. Oh, lookie there...I guess the weekend wasn't ALL bad. So maybe the glass is half full.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Oh WHERE do I begin?

I'm STILL writing from Panera (not continuously...I've since gone home and come back). Hopefully my brother-in-law, the magical computer whiz, can put things right later this evening. Grrrr.

The MOST fun part of my week was when my daughter and I simultaneously came down with some kind a gastrointestinal cootie. We were racing each other to the toilet. Both of us eventually ended up in my bed, clutching our barf cups. Here's the kicker: I get stuff like this ALL THE TIME! I've been to the hospital at least 3x for similar ailments. In my fevered, sleepless, barf and diarrhea filled state, I actually imagined myself driving to the ER at about 1:30 in the morning. Who ELSE was gonna do it? Just the THOUGHT of having an I.V., some anti-nausea meds and perhaps a tiny morphine drip made me feel better. Worked like a charm last time. I finally managed to drift off for a moment or two...stopped barfing and snapped out of it. I had to sleep the entire next day, but I'm right as rain now!

I helped chaperone my daughter's school field trip today. I'm guessing she'll be passing Kindergarten A-OK. Her teacher went out and got her hair cut just like my daughter's. You don't model your hairstyle after a kid you HATE, now do you? She has a wedge cut that's kind of stacked in the back. It's boy-short above her neck, but angled downwards towards the front with little fringy bangs. People stop us in public with compliments all the time. However, my daughter has it ingrained in her brain that when she turns 10 ( a number I pulled out of my ass) she can grow her hair long like "princess hair". Whatever.

I also told a huge, fat lie today. I try not to do that too often, but it was one of those deals where the truth would NOT set you free. I didn't have much time to dream up a solution (there really wasn't one) so I lied. Granted, I KNOW these things often come back to bite you HARD, but at the time it really did save my butt, with no apparent harm done. I suck. Karma's gotta be crouched right around the corner. Speaking of karma...this week's "My Name is Earl" made me laugh so hard I cried. The scene with the burning golf clubs? OMG hilarious! I can't remember the last time a regular prime time show made me laugh that hard. Tivo it at once if you've been missing it!

ANYWAY.... I am off to get some legitimate work done before the end of the day. No...really. Stop looking at me like that! Geeeeez!

Saturday, November 05, 2005

*twitch* Can't...get...online!...*twitch*

LIVE from Panera bread! It only took me a week to figure out that I can go to Panera and get online! Duh. My DSL is all screwed up (I think the service guy is at my house now). It connects for maybe 30 minutes before it drops and you have to reboot EVERYTHING to get it to connect again. PLUS my dial-up account on my laptop is screwed up so I can't even plug in my phone line to get online. Argh. So as a result I am behind on my work, my bills and most importantly...my surfing.

My sister and I were bored last night so she came over. We drank (I had mango martinis), watched movies (Joe Dirt...a classic and So I Married An Axe Murderer) and played Mental Floss. Neither of us had played before and it was FUN! I managed to beat my sister 2/3 which I get to brag about, because she ALWAYS dog-stomps me in trivia-related matters. Hah-ha! I WON. Ok...I'll stop now. Anyway. It was fun.

That's all I've got right now. I had another topic to cover, but not only can I not remember what it was, but I don't really have time right now.

Next topic: short-term memory loss...normal or completely retarded?


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