Monday, June 21, 2004

Motivation in strange places

OK...I'll admit it: I have motivation issues. It's a vicious cycle of feeling guilty for not being more motivated & actually doing more to get more work done. The problem is, guilt itself is not a motivator. If it were...I'd be like Jo-Jo the Idiot Circus Boy.

So the question remains: were can I get me some of this "mo-ti-va-tion" stuff I've been hearing about? I want to know how I can tap into those hidden reserves that supposedly exist. Is there some secret I'm not privy to? Did I sleep through that lecture? Did I skip that class? I don't know. Sometimes it seems like you either have it or you don't. I WANT to have it. Don't have it.

Every now & then, I get a random burst of energy that likes to disguise itself as motivation. In short, I get work done. Today was one of those days, but the source of the energy burst was the unusual part: a dream.

It was one of those dreams that you wake up directly from in the morning. I remember the dream clearly and in pretty good detail. I was working in a job from my former industry: media. Fortunately, all the of other people in the dream were make-believe dream people, rather than actual people from my past career. That would have moved it from "dream" category into "nightmare" category. Anyhoo...I had just come back from a long vacation or absence and my dream boss was asking me something about a client that was about to go on a company sponsored trip. I didn't have any idea what he was talking about. Then it became evident that I was supposed to go on this trip too, to accompany my clients. The plane was leaving later than afternoon. The existence of this trip was completely new information to me. I had to run around like a crazy person trying to make arrangements for my daughter & husband during my absence. I remember getting the drift that if I did not go on the trip, it would be curtains for me.

At some point during the rushing around, my boss berating me for not knowing what was going on with my accounts. It was that particular dream tirade that made me hop out of bed this morning, head straight for the shower & get to work today. Weird. I have no expertise in dream translation. I mean, showing up naked in public, falling off a cliff, etc... those are the obvious and typical stress and self-conscious dreams. Got it. I get the drift of this morning's dream in general, but I'm not sure how it managed to actually drive me into action. Can't say I've ever had that happen before.

Well, I'll let you know how long it lasts. I have committed to myself to make a stronger effort this week, so one might think that would be good enough.

Sometimes I find myself deflating like an old party balloon, though. But when I find that super-secret source, ya'll be the first to know.

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