Tuesday, February 28, 2006

A New Chapter

2006 has been a weird year for me. I've blogged about some of the reasons. I'll stay mum on others and still OTHER reasons I don't even understand myself. Is 35 a magic age where you can no longer deny that you ARE truly an adult and there's no going back? I know this is a big "duh", but the older I get, the more bad stuff happens to people around me or to people I care about. I'm rapidly running out of relatives. I have two "good" ones left. My other blood relatives are either black sheep, crazy or deceased. I've lost my last two remaining grandparents in the last six months. I have friends or acquaintances who are rapidly losing parents or grandparents. I know it's inevitable and part of the "circle of life", but it's a hard reality to face. I guess it's best not to dwell on it too much since that "problem" is not ever going to be going away.

Another aspect in my introspective line of thinking is my own husband and family. I am more than ever aware that my husband and I are soley responsible for making this household our very own, self sustaining family unit without the benefit of anyone else to help us form that mold from this point on. This didn't just strike me today or anything. Ever since my daughter was born, I've tried to make holidays and vacations special events that she will remember forever. But just very recently, it's become more real to me the power that I wield in the lives of my family and that no one else in the world can do what I must do. Heavy, huh? Yipes. I almost sound like a grown-up, don't I? I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I guess my thinking has just shifted from being a "part" of a family, to being the foundation of a family. I'm steering the ship, now. Ahoy, Captain! Rough waters ahead!

The baby is one year old today. It seems like just yesterday I was whining about my pregnancy woes. Walking and talking is just around the corner for the little bunny-head. The new chapter of my life is and will be both exciting and scary.

Well, as Joe Dirt would say..."Life's a garden. Dig it." What more can I add to that?

I've been going through the "holy shit, I am in charge of my life now" kind of thinking, too. I am also turning 35 in a month. Coincidence? :-)
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