Wednesday, March 29, 2006

So What If I Did?

I was on my way to my gym the other evening to meet my girlfriend for an aerobics class. To get to my gym, you have to maneuver your way through a busy parking lot. Often, cars will begin backing up into the thoroughfare without looking. This happens all the time and if I'm right behind them, I'll give a little warning beep on the horn (no...I do NOT blare it!). SO, anyway, this was the case the other night. Car starts backing up as I was coming through and I gave a bitty beep and was on my merry way. Happens all the time and I never think twice about it. My friend was parked in a far corner of the lot where there were no other cars. I pull in right across from her and gather my things. Just as she is coming over to greet me, some chick pulls up in the spot right next to me. At the time, it did seem a little odd as there were a bazillion spots all around us. Hmmm. Whatever. My friend and I start talking and proceed inside.

Class is getting ready to start, but friend headed into the locker room to change her shoes, so I followed. As we're talking, a girl comes up to me and says "Did you honk at me in the parking lot?". I said "Um...I don't think so." I honestly didn't think I had. At first, her tone made me think someone did the 'ol honk and wave thing. My friend says "Well she is a huge bitch, though, so I wouldn't put anything past her. What kind of car was it?" The girls starts saying something about a gold car (mine is red) so I walk off to the bathroom. As I round the corner, I realize she's describing HER car and then hear her say something about a red car. Oh, yeah! Some dipshit WAS pulling out into traffic. Then I remembered. By the time I was done in the bathroom, she was nowhere to be seen. I said to my friend "WTF was that all about?" She shrugged.

So, I guess I'm just confused about what the point was. She passive-aggressively parks right next to me in the lot and doesn't say anything, then accosts me in the locker room. Why? Are there people out there burning that badly for some type of confrontation? She really would've been barking up the wrong tree that night, because I don't put up with that kind of crap, and the girlfriend I was with is THE friend you'd want to get your back, if ya catch my drift.

That was the end of it, but isn't that weird? I manage to go about my life remarkably confrontation free so it just struck me as odd. Watch out for the crazy bitch in the gold car! You might be next...

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Spring Break DUDE!

My daughter's is this week. It is excrutiatingly boring for her...and me! It might be better if she hadn't kicked it off with a Monday morning trip to the ER. Her eye was COMPLETELY swollen shut when she woke up. For some reason, they diagnosed her with pink eye (damn you, Scott Baio!) , but gave her an oral antibiotic to avoid having it "turn into" periorbital cellulitis. OK, thank you again, Internet. She TOTALLY had cellulitis...not at all conjunctivitis. No ifs, ands or buts about it. She can see now, but it still looks like we beat her. Doh!

After she was feeling better we would've gone running about town eating unhealthy food and spending money BUT since her baby brother decided to contract his THIRD bout of pneumonia in six months, we stayed home with him instead. Mmmmmm, snot snorking. That's my family's new past time. Sad, huh?

On a positive note, I had my annual review with my manager this morning. To read my review, you'd expect to see an "Employee of the Year" plaque hanging behind me right now in my office (right next to my "Mother of the Year" award!). So...I look good on paper anyway. Unfortunately, unless you're in the top 5% of the company, your "merit" raise is jack squat. Ewwww! 3%! How EVER will I spend it all? Sigh, again. Get me off this crazy thing!

Friday, March 17, 2006

Mommy Drinks Because You Cry, Part Deux

OK...mommy really DOES drink because you cry! There! I said it! The bunny-head is no longer a bunny head. He is now Satan-spawn. We went to the doc this morning HOPING he had an ear infection. "That's crazy!", you say. Why would I hope for such a thing? Because it might help explain the evil creature that has replaced my child. He is either crying, whining, fussing, bitching or moaning 96.8% of the time he is awake. Seriously...it's getting on my last nerve. He could be teething, but Tylenol does nothing so WHO KNOWS!?!?! Someone...just please make it stop. Clean bill of health, by the way. And YES, I know that's a GOOD THING. Is there enough green beer to make it go away? We'll see.... OH! And Happy St. Patrick's Day! Thank God for baby sitters. Oops! Gotta run. Mother of the Year committee is calling....

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Mean Girls
When I was in school, I wasn't the cutest, most popular girl by a long shot. There were a couple of scary, tough girls who verbally picked on me. One fine day, when I was a sophomore (I think) I magically found the nerve to stand up to one of them. She looked like she was going to crap her pants and I never heard nary a peep from her or her WT friend again. Exhale. I have since learned not to take crap from anyone. Yippee!

The other day my daughter INSISTED that I let her eat breakfast before she brushed her teeth (OK, no problem with that line of thinking...) because Carly, the girl who sits in front of her on the bus, says she has yellow teeth and then acts like she's going to hit her. Oy. What ta do, what ta do. OK...here we go. I remember the school "food chain" all too well. What I now realize is that I can have some modicum of influence over where my daughter falls in the hierarchy. My mind picked over various responses to what my daughter had just said. I didn't want to give her ammo to RE-bully, but I don't want her to be bulldozed my this snot-nosed brat, either. Our strategy for now is to look the offender straight in the eye, point at her and say "You don't want to mess with me. Trust me".

I don't think she's employed the strategy yet, but we'll see how it goes. If that doesn't work, I'll be sending the bus driver a note. They have assigned seating.

I KNOW there are parents out there that either encourage their kids to bully, or don't intervene if they are aware of it. It's a sticky situation. I totally understand wanting your kid to be an Alpha, but not in a bad way, or at the expense of an underdog. The messages I give her now can really set the stage for years to come. I welcome any input to this quandary. This is my first Bar-B-Que, so if you have any ideas, I'll take 'em!

Random: I went and got my oil changed at Jiffy Lube this morning right after I popped into Starbucks. I bought 4 cans of DoubleShot Espresso and had them in my passenger seat. When I got home, I had 3 cans of DoubleShot Espresso in my passenger seat. Under the seat? Nope. Backseat? Nada. Jiffy Lube stole coffee from me. Awesome.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Mommy Drinks Because You Cry

No...that's not REALLY why I drink! This was priceless. One of my counterparts called me the other day and said "I think this job is turning me into an alcoholic." To which my reply was "Me too!" Then we had a good giggle over the larger-than-usual quantities and types of adult beverages we'd been partaking in lately. OK...honestly there is no fear at all I am an alcoholic, so don't get your panties in a bunch.

Our company has been throwing us loads of loops lately and we've JUST ABOUT HAD IT! Just about...

I think my recent increase is catching up for lost time. During my THREE recent illnesses, I didn't drink anything at all. Drinking while sick is a waste of a good cocktail. So now that I feel better, it's like "WheeeeeHeee!"

Now if my liver can make it through St. Patty's Day I'll be golden.

I had my first full physical in about 15 or 20 years today. The blood work won't be back for awhile, but it doesn't look like I'll be keeling over anytime too soon. Yeah for living! Now if I can only STAY well, I'll be as giddy as a school girl. And BOY are they giddy. OK...I can't resist. One quick darling daughter quote. While she was sampling some different flavors of jelly beans the other day, she says (totally serious) "These orange jelly beans are off the hook!" I'm sorry...come again? Damn you to hell Nickelodean!

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