The Life of a Pharmgirl...

Dumbest...problem...EVER!

OK..perhaps I'll refer to it as a "dilemma" rather than a problem. People in New Orleans have problems. You'll see...totally retarded.

Sooo...about two weeks ago a new doctor in my area started doing Botox and practically BEGGED me to send him people telling me he'd give them a good deal. Then he hinted around to see if I wanted any. Well, of COURSE I want some Botox! However, I've never paid for it before. I have some pretty good relationships with Botox-peddlers and have always been able to work out more of a "trade" deal. So long story long...I let him practice on me...AND I paid for it. He is a client of mine, so it felt like it was the right thing to do. Plus, he's a super-nice guy. He is new to the product, so he was taking a VERY conservative approach, which he seemed to realize. After a week, I still had lots of movement in my forehead. (More than I usually have post-Tox. I haven't had any in well over a year...way before I got pregnant).

So off to one of my doctors in another area that I've done trade with before. I'm sitting in one of his patient rooms discussing products when he turns with needle in hand and says "Sit back, it's Botox day!" Ummm. "I'm already Botoxed." "Yeah, not nearly enough. Sit back." So I did.

Now I'm totally Halle Berry at the Oscars. Thank God this stuff wears off eventually. Let me say that I am not SORRY I got extra Botox, because it really did wipe away my remaining creases. How I have it now is how I usually have it.

So here's the dilemma: I can't avoid the NEW doctor for the next six months since I will be participating in an Open House for him in 2 weeks. I KNOW he's going to be asking me to raise my eyebrows to examine "his" work. Yeah. I got nuthin'. I'm afraid if I tell him I got more Botox he'll be really pissed. If I DON'T tell him, he may freak out thinking that HE did all this, thinking he was doing something else completely. I'd hate to make the poor guy doubt himself since he is new to this. So what do I say? Let's scrap the straight up "honesty is the best policy" bit. If I do tell him, I need to spin it so I don't look like an a-hole. Any thoughts? And, yes. This is the dumbest thing ever, so you don't need to tell me. Just start off with "Well, Pharmgirl, if I were you, I would..." Thanks for helping me dig my sorry ass out of my robotic-faced hole!

Everyone's crazy

Maybe even me. Geeez. The older I get, the weirder everyone else gets. I'm gonna leave it at that right now. So anyway, I've had some drama to keep me busy.

Ahhh..Kindergarten. So far, so good. She wasn't even the slightest bit scared and seems to be adjusting just fine. Whew. Everyday she seems to be turning more and more into a freaky little diva, though. She sees those Kid's Bop commercials and goes around the house singing the songs using her "cute" look. ("See mom, is this a cute face?") Yeah.

The only problem so far is with our bus stop. We live on a dead-end cul-de-sac and the bus will not turn around there. (Even though I've SEEN busses turning around there in the past, for whatever reason!). So they expect our kindergartener and our neighbor's first-grader to walk up the hill and around the corner, out of view from our houses, to catch the bus. Um, I don't think so. The really annoying part is that the bus LITERALLY stops at every other house in the rest of the neighborhood. I mean, every 10 feet that damn bus stops (I know this from getting caught behind it in the afternoon). So according to the lady that answers the phone, it's been their policy to not turn around in a cul-de-sac "ever since she's been there" which apparently is a very long time. So..wheeeee! I get to take on "the man"!

Also, soccer practice has started and so far, so good. I knew I might be in trouble when a bunch of the other moms started talking about which church they went to. Thank God I could chime in with MY daughter's Vacation Bible School story, although we rarely go to church and do not belong to one. I left that part out.

Hot Stuff!

Even if it DID fall off the back of a truck...I don't CARE! Check out the deal I just snagged from E-bay: I got a 16 disc Baby Einstein set shipped from Hong Kong, for $40...and that INCLUDES shipping! Why is this exciting? Because that set retails for $265.00 (plus shipping) in the U.S. that's why! Holy Schmoly! If you aren't familiar with Baby Einstein it's essentially like crack-cocaine for babies. It's mostly puppets and interesting action toys set to classical music. You park a baby in front of that and you have 30 minutes of quiet bliss. PLUS they swear it's educational. Say what you want about T.V. and kids... it DEFINITELY has it's place!

Our very first soccer clinic got massively rained out on Saturday, which was not a happy time in the Pharmgirl household, plus the baby was having his worst day EVER, sleeping most of the day and crying when he was awake, clearly in some type of discomfort. After waiting for each nap to make an improvement, I finally broke down and gave him some Ibuprofen, which did seem to help. Guess we probably have a tooth ready to make an appearance! Oh, and the doctor DOES want to clip under the baby's tongue...but we'll wait until he's a year old.

So other than that...we have been GO GO GO. Lot's of stuff to keep me busy with work, outside projects and kid stuff. My only trip this year will be to California for a sales meeting. I plan to fly back a couple days after the meeting is over so I can have a day to two to myself. Perhaps a spa...on the beach. Did I say a day or two? Hmmm. I'll let ya know on that one.

Need..sleepy

The boss was here yesterday and today. And I have to say...not bad! We had a short, yet successful day yesterday and this morning when I went to pick him up, he announced that he slept like crap last night, was in a shitty mood and wanted to catch an early flight home. Well......OK. I guess! Don't have to ask me twice.

So it was short and sweet. Just the way I like it. Of course, tomorrow will be mostly a "me day" which is essential post ride-along. It will involve a pedicure, lunch with a girlfriend and a trip to the gym. I'll have to cut it short, though. The baby has a Dr. appt. with an ENT tomorrow. They want to look at his little heart-shaped tongue and decide if his tongue-tie is bad enough to warrant clipping. Ouch.

Anyway, I always get myself worked up into a lather before the boss comes and it's always anti-climactic. So I will be oh-so-ready for some sleep tonight and a little me time tomorrow. Coming soon: My new role as "Soccer Mom". Now all I'll need is the mini-van. Argh. Kill me.

It's like having a crystal ball...only way more real!

So I've been getting a glimpse of my future eight years from now. I've had a thirteen year old girl hanging out with me for a few weeks now. Why? you may ask. OK...how can I make this not confusing? Our neighbor has a good friend whose daughter is 13. She has been staying with my neighbor for most of the summer. Her druggie-freako mother ran out on her when she was very little, so her dad (who is still single) has raised her. She looks at my neighbor as a mother figure. The neighbor has two boys, so the girl has been helping keep an eye on them over the summer. The problem is that my neighbor works a full time job and is also getting her Master's Degree. Her unemployed husband, who also happens to be a raging alcoholic, pops Tylenol PM and drinks beer all day. So neighbor girl wants to get out of the house once in awhile. I opened my door for her because I didn't think that she needed to be around loser-alcoholic neighbor, especially when the boys were at summer camp.

She found out that I go to the gym everyday, so I now have had a work-out buddy until school starts. Did I mention she is six feet tall and quite a basketball star? Her goal is to be in the "best shape of her life" by the time the season starts later this fall. Why did I never utter those words in junior high? She wanted me to help her pick out her outfit for class registration today. After we decided on the clothing, I confused her by asking "What's the most IMPORTANT thing to wear today"? She was stumped. "GOOD POSTURE!" Of course. As you can imagine, most six foot tall 13 year-olds slump a bit. My trainer, who also happens to be a giant, gave her a "tall girl" pep talk. So it's my job to remind her. After the gym today, I took her to Osco since she was terribly panicked about having a couple of zits on her chin. We got some zit fighter and some concealer. I get the impression she's only ever used lip gloss before. Gee, I hope I don't get in trouble for buying her make-up!

She's been fun to have around because she's great with the baby and all of the bigger kids like her too. I'm guessing that after school starts we'll be seeing much less of her, but at least I helped make her summer ever-so-slightly more bearable. AND I'm grooming a baby sitter! Boy oh boy are THOSE ever hard to find! Only two more weeks until school. My daughter is totally stoked to be starting Kindergarten. We went school supply shopping last week. After we got home, she donned her giant backpack and grabbed her lunch cooler and said "This is what I'll look like going to school" and proceeded to saunter through the living room. Check. Now that I have a visual aid, I can function at a much higher level.

Well, here is where it all begins. Wish me luck..once again.

What are you wearing right now?

Because I'M wearing my new Invisalign braces! So far, so...OK. I'm still getting used to them. They swear the little lisp that comes FREE with the product will fade within days. This will be a huge pain in the patootie for the next year...that much I can tell you! You take them out every time you eat or drink anything but water. They need to be rinsed so they aren't spit coated..and then you need to brush them AND your teeth before you put them back in. One thing is for sure...it's going to keep me from nibbling and snacking. I also can no longer use my teeth as tools. Damnit.

So this may end up as a magic diet tool as an added bonus! It's a big hassle to eat. Of course, that's not going to stop me or anything...but now eating ANYTHING is a big production number. Even after less than 24 hours I can already tell they have changed my bite. When I took them out this morning, I could tell my teeth or jaw had already shifted. Weird. Also, my teeth are a bit tender...but not "painful". So I am on my merry way to new straight teeth! Yippee for me!

Why do I poison myself?

Argh. You'd think after 13 years (17?) of drinking I'd learn my lesson. But you'd be WRONG! A group of gals from my gym (including my trainer) invited me to tag along Saturday night for one of the girl's birthdays. They were heading out early for dinner. My husband wasn't going to be home from work until about 11pm, so I said I could join in after the kids went to bed..about 9:30. If the kids are asleep already, I can have a younger neighbor girl come over vs. a "real" sitter. So the neighbor girl was late getting over and by the time I make it to the martini bar, it's a bit past 10pm.

I guess I thought I needed to "make up for lost time" since THEY had been out for hours already. I hit the martini menu and that was ALL SHE WROTE! In the span of about 3 hours, I consumed approximately four martinis and two mixed drinks..oh, and a shot, too. Fortunately one of the ladies in the group doesn't drink much, so she had driven everyone (else) down there.

Well thank God SOMEBODY had some sense..because she refused to let me drive home. When I got home I slurred to my husband that I had some "good news and bad news". The bad news obviously being that we had to make an hour round-trip drive the next day to get my car.

The next morning the baby was kind enough not to wake me up until 9, but when I looked over my husband was GONE. Oh MAN! I forgot he was playing golf. So it was just me (still slightly drunk and feeling incredibly bad) and the kiddies. The extra-fun part was that I had friends from out of town coming over for lunch so I got to 1) take care of the kids 2) clean the house 3) make lunch 4) suffer a slow death...all in the span of three hours! Naturally I employed my hangover remedy: A can of Coke and 3 aspirin. It sure did help. Then after company left we had to go get the car and THEN go to the neighbor's for dinner. I never even had TIME to truly suffer on Sunday. So my body went ahead and put that on hold until yesterday. Man oh MAN was I hurting all day Monday. Who has a TWO DAY hangover? Well, I do. I think drinking so much in such a short period of time was literally like drinking drain cleaner. Guess that happens when you get old and don't get out much.

I'd like to say I won't be doing that again anytime soon..but you just never know. I did really appreciate that fact that someone made the call and drove me home , though. One thing I am learning as I get older is that a $50 cab ride home would be alot cheaper (and less embarrassing) than a DUI. Also, since I drive a company car I could lose my job...so when you look at it THAT way...it makes it the only option. Of course there's the whole "danger to yourself and others" thing, too.

In the meantime, I shall let the damage heal and focus on that 8-10 glasses of water a day goal. Lord knows I need to purge those poisons!